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?Sent to evaluate the crew and staff of a new U.S. state-of-the-art nuclear submarine during its trial runs, the head of the U. S. DoD PsyOps Division discovers her vengeful ex husband has planted a computer virus to destroy her while on board. Will this deadly psychological war destroy everything??
Presario2200: I'm not asking you to give away the story. But one measure of a logline's soundness is its ability to arouse interest without raising questions about the logic of the plot, so far as it is disclosed. Alas, your logline, as currently written, raises questions in my mind that distracts mRead more
Presario2200:
I’m not asking you to give away the story. But one measure of a logline’s soundness is its ability to arouse interest without raising questions about the logic of the plot, so far as it is disclosed. Alas, your logline, as currently written, raises questions in my mind that distracts my attention from the dramatic merits of the story. Like: How is it possible for the ex to engage in psyche warfare if she’s on the sub and he’s in jail?
Also, the protagonist’s role should be stated in active verbs. The woman is the protagonist, right? Well, she’s “pulled into…” — that’s passive. What is her active, assertive response to the attack?
It’s also advisable to lay down the stakes. That is, what will happen if her ex succeeds? Will she go insane? Will the sub sink with all lives lost? Or…?
(FYI: These points, and others, are explained in the “Write It” menu option listed at the top of this web page).
See less?Sent to evaluate the crew and staff of a new U.S. state-of-the-art nuclear submarine during its trial runs, the head of the U. S. DoD PsyOps Division discovers her vengeful ex husband has planted a computer virus to destroy her while on board. Will this deadly psychological war destroy everything??
How can her ex engage her in psycho warfare when he's in prison and she's on a sub?
How can her ex engage her in psycho warfare when he’s in prison and she’s on a sub?
See lessWhen a cocky self made but failing porn producer unknowingly uses stolen money to make the worlds best pornographic film, he must fight off the gangsters who claim it's their property
"Fight off" -- what does that mean? What's at stake? What does he stand to lose if the gangsters win? What does he stand to gain if he wins? Is he merely fighting over money? Or something more important? Is he -- should he -- be fighting for his life? Also, what is the time setting for the plot? TheRead more
“Fight off” — what does that mean? What’s at stake? What does he stand to lose if the gangsters win? What does he stand to gain if he wins? Is he merely fighting over money? Or something more important? Is he — should he — be fighting for his life?
Also, what is the time setting for the plot? The present? Before the rise of the Internet?
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