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A beautiful, ambitious maid and a graceful but married Duke are trying to save their love in a cruel medieval society. Tables are suddenly turned after a lack of loyalty and the discovery of the maid's real origin.
What is the inciting incident, the event or decision that precipitates the rest of the plot? The Duke of Norfolk fulfilling his promise and legitimizing her so she can marry? (She expects her becoming legit means the end of her woes, but it only turns out to be the beginning?)
What is the inciting incident, the event or decision that precipitates the rest of the plot? The Duke of Norfolk fulfilling his promise and legitimizing her so she can marry? (She expects her becoming legit means the end of her woes, but it only turns out to be the beginning?)
See lessA beautiful, ambitious maid and a graceful but married Duke are trying to save their love in a cruel medieval society. Tables are suddenly turned after a lack of loyalty and the discovery of the maid's real origin.
What intrigues me about the story is not that the heroine wants love and happiness because that's what every person wants in life, that's a default goal, a given in any logline. What I'm looking for is an "X" factor, something special, that makes the story stand out from all the other loglines whereRead more
What intrigues me about the story is not that the heroine wants love and happiness because that’s what every person wants in life, that’s a default goal, a given in any logline. What I’m looking for is an “X” factor, something special, that makes the story stand out from all the other loglines where the main character is likewise seeking love and happiness.
For me the “X” factor in this story might be the struggle of a woman to overcome the prejudices of her era, the handicaps of her situation. She’s a woman in a male-dominated medieval society; she’s an outcast, a bastard. The odds are definitely not in her favor.
I see a lot of potential in the concept, but I just don’t have a clear sense of what the “X” factor is yet. fwiw.
See lessAfter inheriting his Uncles’s dairy farm in remote Chechnya, a Harvard Business School drop-out finds himself at war with the Chechen Mafia over his Uncle’s backdoor drugs and prostitution racket .?
My tweak, fwiw: When a Harvard MBA discovers the business he has inherited in Chechnya is a front for prostitution and drugs, he becomes trapped in the cross-fire of a covetous Chechen Mafia, a corrupt Russian administration and Moslem nationalist terrorists. Why not a gold-plated graduate -- wouldnRead more
My tweak, fwiw:
When a Harvard MBA discovers the business he has inherited in Chechnya is a front for prostitution and drugs, he becomes trapped in the cross-fire of a covetous Chechen Mafia, a corrupt Russian administration and Moslem nationalist terrorists.
Why not a gold-plated graduate — wouldn’t it add greater irony and contrast to the predicament he finds himself in?
Business: could be a farm. For the purposes of the logline, does it matter what the business is?
Yeah, it’s more complex, but then the situation in Chechnya is one hell of a mess.
And it’s longer and it doesn’t conform to the logline boilerplate. But I think there are times when an idea is so high concept or so crazy-great that it doesn’t have to abide by the rules to grab attention and whet interest. Which is the whole purpose of a logline: sell the sizzle. This idea isn’t high concept in the sense that it can be stated in a few words, but I can hear and smell the sizzle; it grabs my attention, evokes all kinds of dramatic possibilities.
(What genre do you have in mind? Drama? Dark comedy?)
This is a story I want to see on the silver screen. Best wishes.
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