As Karel Segers points out under the “Write It” topic in the upper right hand corner of the banner for the web site, a logline should ideally include:

+A Protagonist and his/hers function or role in the story (e.g. a mother, a cop, a scientist)
+(Optional) The Protagonist’s weakness (e.g. headstrong, timid, solitary, depressed, reckless)
+(Optional) The story?s first major event or ?Inciting Incident?
+The Protagonist’s objective goal or his/her main action in the story.
+The obstacle(s) and/or the Antagonist
+The stakes (unless implied in the goal/obstacle)

About all that we are given in this logline is what’s at stake: life or death.

Now, all the above elements are not required if the logline has a strong enough hook, a concept that immediately grabs a reader by the eyeballs and won’t let them blink until they’ve read the script or seen the movie. For example: “In a dystopian future, the Japanese government punishes a class of rebellious 9th grade students by stranding them on a remote island where they are forced to kill each other.” (Battle Royale). That’s a logline with a concept that immediately hooked my curiosity; it said all that I needed to know to want to see the movie.

Unfortunately, I don’t that kind of hook in this logline, something specific and compelling to grab my eyeballs . What’s the “something deadly when classmates start to die” — contaminated water,spoiled food, vector insects, a rabid wolf, a beserk survivalist — or?