1. Posted: October 2, 2013In:

    When a father and son novice racing team decides to enter the Baja 500 they face challenges to survive not only the race but drug dealers and corrupt Mexican military.

    dpg Singularity

    Father and son championship racers must overcome their bitter rivalry to survive a gauntlet of vicious drug lords and corrupt police in a Baja 500 death race. I recast the logline as a motorized Gladiator contest to the death because as predicated ALL THE RACERS --not just the father and son -- willRead more

    Father and son championship racers must overcome their bitter rivalry to survive a gauntlet of vicious drug lords and corrupt police in a Baja 500 death race.

    I recast the logline as a motorized Gladiator contest to the death because as predicated ALL THE RACERS –not just the father and son — will face the same peril, corrupt police, vicious drug lords. Consequently, the stakes for ALL THE RACERS will be the same: mere survival. And the prize money.

    But the prize money is only the objective goal. Which is not sufficient reason for the audience to become emotionally invested in the father and son. (Or any of the other racers for that matter.) So what is there to make the father and son stand out, make the audience want to make an emotional investment in their fate? Why should the audience care more about them then all the other racers?

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  2. Posted: October 2, 2013In:

    After learning she has inherited her famous poker champion Father?s debt to the Mafia, a straight laced school teacher sets out to become the world?s first female world series of poker champion.

    dpg Singularity

    Tony Edward: My remarks about stakes and the stakes character were made in the context of a quote I recently re-read by Steven Spielberg, to the effect, that the best movies are redemption movies. Somebody is trying to rescue someone else. More than that, they are also rescuing themselves, physicallRead more

    Tony Edward:

    My remarks about stakes and the stakes character were made in the context of a quote I recently re-read by Steven Spielberg, to the effect, that the best movies are redemption movies. Somebody is trying to rescue someone else. More than that, they are also rescuing themselves, physically, in terms of the objective goal, and morally, in terms of the subjective goal.

    As I said I like the kernel of the premise, your protagonist, and hope you will push some chips into the pot on the concept.

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  3. Posted: October 2, 2013In:

    After learning she has inherited her famous poker champion Father?s debt to the Mafia, a straight laced school teacher sets out to become the world?s first female world series of poker champion.

    dpg Singularity

    Tony Edward: The basic ingredients are there. I am particularly hooked by the 2nd half of the logline "a straight laced school teacher sets out to become the world?s first female world series of poker champion". But I'm not as hooked on the inciting incident "After learning she has inherited her famRead more

    Tony Edward:

    The basic ingredients are there. I am particularly hooked by the 2nd half of the logline “a straight laced school teacher sets out to become the world?s first female world series of poker champion”.

    But I’m not as hooked on the inciting incident “After learning she has inherited her famous poker champion Father?s debt to the Mafia”. I see its utility, a force majeure trigger event– an offer she can’t refuse — but it seems somewhat conventional. (It is my impression that in this precinct gangsters, the mob, seem to be an all-purpose, go-to triggering agent and/or antagonist.)

    Further, I don’t see a casual connection between the inciting incident (or agent) and a character flaw on her part. (I am inclined to view “straight laced” as a defining characteristic, not a character flaw. Indeed, it might even be a character strength: being able to play her emotions close to her bosom is good preparation for playing her emotions — and her cards — close to her bosom in poker.)

    And further, it would strengthen my emotional investment in the story if there was a stake character or cause. But the one likely stakes character is deceased: her father. If the triggering agent has to be the mob, what if they are holding him for ransom – for the debt he owes under pain of death if she can’t come up with the money in X number of days (the ticking clock)?

    Anyway, as I said, I think the character and her situation have potential. Best wishes with the concept.

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