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  1. Posted: August 31, 2013

    Driven to sea by a father with a murderous past, a Viking prince is pursued by the gods and a dark temptress in his quest for redemption.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 31, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    1] The logline frames the prince as fleeing from negative forces instead of struggling toward a positive specific objective goal. ("Quest for redemption" is vague and subjective.) 2] And there is nothing in the logline to indicate why he needs to be on a "quest for redemption" -- what's his flaw? ItRead more

    1] The logline frames the prince as fleeing from negative forces instead of struggling toward a positive specific objective goal. (“Quest for redemption” is vague and subjective.)

    2] And there is nothing in the logline to indicate why he needs to be on a “quest for redemption” — what’s his flaw? It’s the old man who has a “murderous past” — not the prince. And it’s no sin to be pursued by a “dark temptress”; it’s only a sin to give in to temptation.

    So why does he need to be on a “quest for redemption” when there is nothing in the logline to indicate what evil he has done or sins he has committed?

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  2. Posted: August 30, 2013

    A hypochondriac young man delights in getting an internship with America's favorite talk-show neuro-scientist/psychiatrist — until the good doctor goes berserk and the young man becomes his only link back to sanity…

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 31, 2013 at 8:34 am

    What nicholsandrewhalls said. The inciting incident seems to be that the TV shrink goes beserk. Now what must the hypochondriac do?

    What nicholsandrewhalls said. The inciting incident seems to be that the TV shrink goes beserk. Now what must the hypochondriac do?

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  3. Posted: August 29, 2013In: Public

    After waking from a coma, a young girl with Amnesia searches for clues to her past while battling demonic creatures who stand in the way of her discovering her destiny.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 30, 2013 at 11:21 am

    Richiev: I like where you're going with the internal journey; she did the right thing -- for the wrong reason. She fulfilling the her job description, nothing more. But I don't think you need to use flashbacks: just re-create the same subjective problem in her post-amnesiac state-of-mind That is, shRead more

    Richiev:

    I like where you’re going with the internal journey; she did the right thing — for the wrong reason. She fulfilling the her job description, nothing more.

    But I don’t think you need to use flashbacks: just re-create the same subjective problem in her post-amnesiac state-of-mind That is, she has a 2nd chance to learn what she didn’t learn earlier, to help with a heart (metaphorically speaking). Perhaps her failure to give a “divine damn” was why her antagonist was able to betray and defeat her earlier.

    And,now, in her post-amnesiac situation, she initially recapitulates her earlier failure-flaw. But this time, finally, thanks to the influence of her sidekick she learns to do the right thing for the right reason. When her sidekick’s life is at stake: she saves the sidekick character physically; the sidekick character saves her subjectively-spiritually.

    fwiw.

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