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  1. Posted: July 20, 2013In: Public

    In a post-apocalyptic future, when a reckless government agent learns that his long lost brother is a test subject in a brutal military experiment, he helps a terrorist cell fight through a dangerous wasteland to free a host of captured children.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on July 20, 2013 at 7:35 am

    correction: "a warm reception..."

    correction: “a warm reception…”

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  2. Posted: July 20, 2013In: Public

    In a post-apocalyptic future, when a reckless government agent learns that his long lost brother is a test subject in a brutal military experiment, he helps a terrorist cell fight through a dangerous wasteland to free a host of captured children.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on July 20, 2013 at 7:28 am

    If the time frame, post-apocalyptic or dystopian future, is omitted the presumed time frame is the present. And then your protagonist is immediately guilty by temporal association with current events, with terrorist incidents like the Boston bombings. Good luck getting a warm receptive to your logliRead more

    If the time frame, post-apocalyptic or dystopian future, is omitted the presumed time frame is the present. And then your protagonist is immediately guilty by temporal association with current events, with terrorist incidents like the Boston bombings.

    Good luck getting a warm receptive to your logline and pitch. You’re going to need it — and then some.

    I suggest that if the story is set in a dystopian future, then say so in the logline. Yes, that’s 4 extra words, but the alternative guilt by temporal association factor is a far worse problem to confront than 4 extra words.

    Unless, of course, you really do want to make an explicit, direct political statement about the current U.S. government and military. If that is the case, well, good luck getting a warm receptive to your logline and pitch. You’re going to need it — and then some.

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  3. Posted: July 20, 2013In: Public

    In a post-apocalyptic future, when a reckless government agent learns that his long lost brother is a test subject in a brutal military experiment, he helps a terrorist cell fight through a dangerous wasteland to free a host of captured children.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on July 20, 2013 at 4:24 am

    In a post-apocalyptic world, when an anti-terrorist agent discovers his brother died in a brutal government experiment, he joins the terrorist group he was fighting to destroy to get revenge and rescue other human guinea pigs from a similar fate. 38 words, but... Rationale: "Anti-terrorist agent" --Read more

    In a post-apocalyptic world, when an anti-terrorist agent discovers his brother died in a brutal government experiment, he joins the terrorist group he was fighting to destroy to get revenge and rescue other human guinea pigs from a similar fate.

    38 words, but…

    Rationale:

    “Anti-terrorist agent” — more specific and…
    “joins the terrorist group he was fighting to destroy…– enables an ironic and stronger peripety, reversal of role and goal.

    “his brother died…” — Amps up his motivation for switching sides and goals.

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