Kuramo bay,

Even though I have a better grasp of your concept from our exchange, my notes are given as if I were an underpaid, underloved, sleep-deprived script reader reading your logline for the first time. I pretend I’ve never read any version or explanation of your logline before. Your logline has 10 seconds to grab my eye balls and hold their attention.

By that criterion, your revised logline, taken on its own, still raises confusion as well as interest. The fundamental question remains: if the Londoner is the protagonist, what is he running from — and toward?

Breaking out your latest version by words pertaining to each character, here is the amount of word play your 2 characters get:

“On the run… a young Londoner would rather kill himself than be captured…” (13 words)
“..a Yakuza enforcer… the enforcer is under oath to kill himself if he fails.” (15 words)

So your antagonist gets more billing in your logline than the protagonist — and better billing. The enforcer is the more interesting character. I intuit in the phrase “under oath to kill himself if he fails” a compelling “B” story.

But, alas, the Londoner remains a cipher.

Again, I appreciate your struggle with this logline as I am struggling with a similar predicament for a script I am writing.