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After discovering his new and only friend?s family relies heavily on government handouts, a sheltered teenager struggles against his privileged upbringing and his parent?s ideals to maintain this relationship.
An interesting and timely? topic.Instead of "sheltered" I would describe him as "privileged" or maybe "privileged and naive", although I think most people who assume that if he's in the privileged %1 then he's led a life sheltered from the struggles and problems of the other 99%.My question is:? heRead more
An interesting and timely? topic.
Instead of “sheltered” I would describe him as “privileged” or maybe “privileged and naive”, although I think most people who assume that if he’s in the privileged %1 then he’s led a life sheltered from the struggles and problems of the other 99%.
My question is:? he struggles against …. for what??? It’s not enough that he’s struggling against something, he must also be struggle for a better alternative to the present situation.? What is the desirable alternative he seeks to replace the undesirable situation?? What is his remedy to the malady?
See lessThree ruthless employees of an eccentric childless billionaire suffering from Alzheimer’s attempt to trick him into bequeathing his vast fortune to them by posing as his children.
As Richiev said.? If he's mentally incompetent, the principal obstacle to their goal are his lawyers (and relatives).? And what's so funny about, and why should an audience root for an the terrible trio to succeed?
As Richiev said.? If he’s mentally incompetent, the principal obstacle to their goal are his lawyers (and relatives).? And what’s so funny about, and why should an audience root for an the terrible trio to succeed?
See lessAn escaped psychopath, institutionalized for the brutal murder of men who sexually abused her, stalks a teenage boy and his friends while a local detective chases her through town, determined to save her son’s life.
Who's the protagonist?? The psychopath or the local detective.? If it's the detective, then she should lead off the logline., not be tacked onto the end.? Particularly as she is the character with the positive goal. So something like: A detective must find and stop an escaped female serial killer beRead more
Who’s the protagonist?? The psychopath or the local detective.? If it’s the detective, then she should lead off the logline., not be tacked onto the end.? Particularly as she is the character with the positive goal.
So something like:
A detective must find and stop an escaped female serial killer before she kills her son.
But left begging is: why has the serial killer zeroed in on her son??? What has he done to “deserve” her attention?? A logline can’t explain everything, but every action laid out in the logline must make sense to a reader.
Also, It might be better to describe her a sociopath or a serial killer. (Technically, a psychopath is too out of touch with reality to function well enough in the real world to maintain a sustained activity of any kind.)
fwiw
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