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  1. Posted: April 23, 2013

    After convincing his reformed felon brother to hold up the bank where the map to a lost goldmine is stored, a disenchanted insurance salesman must finish the job himself when his brother is shot dead by the obstinate bank manager during the heist

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 24, 2013 at 1:18 pm

    Taken at face value, all the logline says is the amateur must work up the nerve to commit a criminal act. I have no clue as to why his action is morally justified, no reason to sympathize with his crime, root for his success.

    Taken at face value, all the logline says is the amateur must work up the nerve to commit a criminal act. I have no clue as to why his action is morally justified, no reason to sympathize with his crime, root for his success.

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  2. Posted: April 24, 2013In: Public

    The Greek gods and goddesses from myth are very much real, callous, and they are all coming for an unsuspecting 16-year-old Alexandra Adler, whether she likes it or not.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 24, 2013 at 8:47 am

    Yep. And consider the logline of "Percy Jackson & the Ligtning Thief": When a teenager discovers he's the descendant of a Greek god, he must settle an on-going battle between the gods. A discovery triggers an objective goal.

    Yep. And consider the logline of “Percy Jackson & the Ligtning Thief”:

    When a teenager discovers he’s the descendant of a Greek god, he must settle an on-going battle between the gods.

    A discovery triggers an objective goal.

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  3. Posted: April 23, 2013In: Public

    After being severely hurt by a grenade at Hitler youth camp, a prideful and nationalistic ten-year old boy discovers that his mother is hiding a fifteen year old Jewish girl in their house.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 24, 2013 at 8:21 am

    It would be a more interesting story if the kid and the girl were of similar age -- an "B" story complication that raises the stakes and intensifies the moral and emotional dilemma.

    It would be a more interesting story if the kid and the girl were of similar age — an “B” story complication that raises the stakes and intensifies the moral and emotional dilemma.

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