1. Posted: July 4, 2019In:

    When a social phobic former photographer falls in love with the number one tennis star in the world, he must overcome his anxieties in order to get back his job and be with her.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>Do I have to state the reason she?s falling for him in the logline?No.? But, obviously, one of his challenges is for her to find a reason to fall for him.I frankly don't understand why his having to get his job back is part of the story.? Why did he lose it in the first place?? (I'm askiRead more

    >>>Do I have to state the reason she?s falling for him in the logline?

    No.? But, obviously, one of his challenges is for her to find a reason to fall for him.

    I frankly don’t understand why his having to get his job back is part of the story.? Why did he lose it in the first place?? (I’m asking this for contextual information, since getting fired? is in the back story.)? Why can’t he be gainfully employed taking photographs of her on while she’s competing?

    Or better yet — and more realistic these days –why can’t he be a free lance photographer?? I say realistic because most professional photographers are freelance these days.? They have to hustle 24/7 to take pictures that media outlets want to buy.

    And shouldn’t he be good enough taking pictures to be able to earn a living?? I mean if she’s good enough to be the best tennis player in the world, what is he good at?? What skill does he have that might impress her?? Why should a winner like her take notice a loser like him who can’t even hold down a job?

    Just asking to brainstorm the? premise.? (I happen to be an avid photographer, so the premise is of more than casual interest.)

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  2. Posted: July 4, 2019In:

    When a social phobic former photographer falls in love with the number one tennis star in the world, he must overcome his anxieties in order to get back his job and be with her.

    dpg Singularity

    There can be only one primary objective goal in a logline and script.? Either he wants to get his job back or he wants to get the girl.? Which is it? One of the options can be a necessary stepping stone, a means to the achieving the primary goal.? In this case, I'm guessing getting his job back woulRead more

    There can be only one primary objective goal in a logline and script.? Either he wants to get his job back or he wants to get the girl.? Which is it?

    One of the options can be a necessary stepping stone, a means to the achieving the primary goal.? In this case, I’m guessing getting his job back would be a necessary step to getting the girl.

    Whatever, true love is a two way street; there needs to be a reason for her to fall in love with him.? Which is?

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  3. Posted: July 3, 2019In:

    A shy guy tries to seduce a snobby girl during an awkward pre-arranged mating session between their chihuahua dogs. COMEDY SHORT

    dpg Singularity

    Tjmohr:I like the inciting incident.? It's a great metaphor for the sexual tension? -- in his mind, anyway.However, having him to overtly seduce her is oafish, tacky --- just plain dumb even for a comedy.? ?Especially in the #MeToo era.? He has a fatal character of not being able to? treat her as anRead more

    Tjmohr:

    I like the inciting incident.? It’s a great metaphor for the sexual tension? — in his mind, anyway.

    However, having him to overtly seduce her is oafish, tacky — just plain dumb even for a comedy.? ?Especially in the #MeToo era.? He has a fatal character of not being able to? treat her as anything more than sex object.? ?He deserves for her to slap? him in the face and storm away.? So it seems to me a more acceptable objective goal would be for him to a date in a manner where she doesn’t laugh in his face and walk away.? Treat her like a lady.

    And rather than describe her as being a snob, describe her as being classy — he’s trying to date outside his league, above his place in the prevailing social order.? Which in this version of the logline, he most surely is.

    fwiw

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