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Two middle-aged misfits wrestle with their selective memories as they retrace the steps of a wild teenage holiday hoping to find their dead friend?s estranged son.
Unfortunately, the premises raises questions about the back story than prevent me from looking forward to what will happen in the future.Like, why now?? Why after all these years -- (decades?) -- do they finally get around to looking for their dead friend's estranged son?? Why didn't they hunt for hRead more
Unfortunately, the premises raises questions about the back story than prevent me from looking forward to what will happen in the future.
Like, why now?? Why after all these years — (decades?) — do they finally get around to looking for their dead friend’s estranged son?? Why didn’t they hunt for him earlier?
And if it was a “wild teenage holiday”, then wasn’t the friend also a teenager at the time?? And if he was a teenager, how is it that he has a son? And how is it that their friend had enough time to spend with his? for the two to become estranged?? That takes years.
Or is it the case where the friend only died recently?? If so, how? does retracing the steps of a wild teenage party decades ago? have anything to do with finding the estranged son now?
Whatever, the time line math just doesn’t seem to compute.
fwiw
See lessA rework of an older logline
Maybe something like:Amidst the French Revolution and the Reign of Terror, the feminist Mary Wollstonecraft broke all the rules of society and religion to fight for women's rights and for love.(29 words)Notes:I suggest "amidst" rather than "set against"? because it's stronger and because it's historRead more
Maybe something like:
Amidst the French Revolution and the Reign of Terror, the feminist Mary Wollstonecraft broke all the rules of society and religion to fight for women’s rights and for love.
(29 words)
Notes:
I suggest “amidst” rather than “set against”? because it’s stronger and because it’s historically true.? She lived in France, was an eye witness to the violence, the chaos, the guillotining. (So drop the Romantic Period — the French revolution isn’t merely the backdrop, it’s the bait on the story hook.)??
And it’s also true that she broke all the rules.? (Did she ever!)
In the standard formula, the “finding love’ would be deleted because loglines are supposed to be only about the “A” story; they are not supposed to include the “B” story — the love story.? But the standard formula is a male convention reflecting how testosterone poisoning distorts male consciousness in drama such that typically achievement takes precedence over relationship.? It’s standard operating procedure in films with male protagonists (which is to say most films) that love must be — and will be –sacrificed on the altar of the objective goal. (Until the final act, anyway.)
However, this is a story reflecting typical female consciousness.? It’s? a story about a most unconventional woman who truly did try to have both a career and true love — who juggled both aspirations concurrently.
The dominant male power players in show business are utterly clueless about Mary Wollstonecraft.? But not the women who? in the era of the #MeToo movement are storming the barricades,? opening up new opportunities for themselves and new opportunities for stories like this to (finally!) get told.? For them, Wollstonecraft is an iconic feminist hero.? The time is ripe for her story to be told.
Women directors and producers are the obvious target audience for this story.? And they won’t have any problem with a logline that incorporates both the “A” and “B” story lines.? They’ll get it.
This is a film I want to see made — and to see.?Very best wishes with your script!
See lessAttempting to reconnect with her squad, a stranded time-traveling soldier battles another soldier on a strange world to prevent him from changing history, only to slowly discover she becomes responsible for a terrible disaster and the deaths of a city’s residents.
>>>The Chernobyl is actually the climax.But loglines don't give away the climax -- that's a spoiler.Okay,? you want to do a sci-fi version of the classic philosophical dilemma of the Runaway Trolley Car.? However:It's tricky to pull off because no matter how impeccable the logic, it violateRead more
>>>The Chernobyl is actually the climax.
But loglines don’t give away the climax — that’s a spoiler.
Okay,? you want to do a sci-fi version of the classic philosophical dilemma of the Runaway Trolley Car.? However:
It’s tricky to pull off because no matter how impeccable the logic, it violates the moral sensibilities of the audience.? (See how the dilemma is handled in “The Imitation Game”. )
It would be better if the stakes are personal:? she’s gotta do what she’s gotta do to save her own future life.
And there’s gotta be a redemptive reason why she must live in the “future” even if it means sacrificing others in the “present”.? ?And that? could be, she must exist to prevent an even greater evil event.? (Again, see “The Imitation Game”.? There is a redeeming rationale for not using the intelligence gained from cracking the Enigma code to intercept every German attack.)
This way it may be possible to set up possibilities for a sequel, a? franchise even. Which makes it more marketable.
fwiw
See less