1. Posted: October 15, 2018In:

    Attempting to reconnect with her squad, a stranded time-traveling soldier battles another soldier on a strange world to prevent him from changing history, only to slowly discover she becomes responsible for a terrible disaster and the deaths of a city’s residents.

    dpg Singularity

    Thanks for the additional information.? So the protagonist accidentally sets off the nuclear meltdown at Chernobyl. Well, there is no way anyone would be able? divine that by reading the logline. The purpose of a logline is to (briefly) reveal -- not conceal -- what the story is about.? Further, theRead more

    Thanks for the additional information.? So the protagonist accidentally sets off the nuclear meltdown at Chernobyl.

    Well, there is no way anyone would be able? divine that by reading the logline.

    The purpose of a logline is to (briefly) reveal — not conceal — what the story is about.? Further, the most important element of a logline is the story hook. The story hook in your logline is? an actual? historical event, the nuclear meltdown at Chernobyl.? Alas, the logline completely buries what the story is about, completely buries the story hook in a “sarcophagus” of vague generalities.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: October 15, 2018In:

    Attempting to reconnect with her squad, a stranded time-traveling soldier battles another soldier on a strange world to prevent him from changing history, only to slowly discover she becomes responsible for a terrible disaster and the deaths of a city’s residents.

    dpg Singularity

    If she's traveling through time? --as a soldier, no less -- than doesn't her combat duties entail changing history herself?? So, what's so wrong about another soldier also changing history?? In other words:? what's the dramatic problem?? And what, exactly,? is the terrible disaster she must avert?

    If she’s traveling through time? –as a soldier, no less — than doesn’t her combat duties entail changing history herself?? So, what’s so wrong about another soldier also changing history?? In other words:? what’s the dramatic problem?? And what, exactly,? is the terrible disaster she must avert?

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  3. Posted: October 15, 2018In:

    When she begins dating a man twenty years her senior, an idealist teen must convince her overprotective parents he?s Mr. Right after they objected to his presence at a family dinner.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>>convince her overprotective parents he?s Mr. Right after he?s wrongfully accused Uh, wouldn't her objective goal be to convince a judge and jury that he's innocent of the charges?

    >>>>convince her overprotective parents he?s Mr. Right after he?s wrongfully accused

    Uh, wouldn’t her objective goal be to convince a judge and jury that he’s innocent of the charges?

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