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  1. Posted: September 19, 2018In: Action

    When an MMA fighter finds out that her estranged country singing father has witnessed a murder and was injured resulting in amnesia, she must overcome her abandonment issues and protect him from the murderer.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 20, 2018 at 12:36 am

    And what is the scale of his amnesia?? Episodic,-- he can't remember the murder?? Or chronic, the memory of his whole life previous to the murder has been wiped out -- he can't even remember her?And why must he be a country singer?? Why is that the defininng characteristic of his character?Again I gRead more

    And what is the scale of his amnesia?? Episodic,– he can’t remember the murder?? Or chronic, the memory of his whole life previous to the murder has been wiped out — he can’t even remember her?

    And why must he be a country singer?? Why is that the defininng characteristic of his character?

    Again I get the feel of a situation and two characters in search of a plot.? What’s the itch you’re trying to scratch, the theme you want to explore?

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: September 20, 2018In: Comedy

    An incessant granny is kidnapped by two dim-witted crooks and used to hold her wealthy son to ransom. When her son refuses to pay she must forge her own escape and find the reason why.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 20, 2018 at 12:29 am

    I like the idea of two dumb crooks kidnapping a grumpy old granny.? (And that's how I'd phrase it;? no shame or downside in riffing off the title phrase? "grumpy old men". ) But what is supposed to follow seems garbled.? She's being held for ransom, right?? To be paid by the loan shark?Why would a lRead more

    I like the idea of two dumb crooks kidnapping a grumpy old granny.? (And that’s how I’d phrase it;? no shame or downside in riffing off the title phrase? “grumpy old men”. ) But what is supposed to follow seems garbled.? She’s being held for ransom, right?? To be paid by the loan shark?

    Why would a loan shark feel compelled to pay the ransom?? Is she his grandmother?

    And is the grandmother the protagonist or just the stakes character?

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  3. Posted: September 19, 2018In: Adventure

    A survivor in an apocalyptic world keeps experiencing visions when they encounter new people and places while travelling to “Haven”, where they believe they would find a place to belong.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 19, 2018 at 2:26 pm

    As mrliteral said.And "a survivor" is singular. "They" is plural.? A grammatical mismatch.? Who is the story about?? A single character or several?

    As mrliteral said.

    And “a survivor” is singular. “They” is plural.? A grammatical mismatch.? Who is the story about?? A single character or several?

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