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  1. Posted: September 9, 2018In: Fantasy

    When the woman of his dreams is kidnapped by a mysterious figure, a manic-depressive alcoholic alters his entire life trajectory to save her from an ethereal shape-shifter that harvests souls for energy.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 10, 2018 at 7:36 am

    Distilling your 32-word revised logline? down to 19 words? this is what I come up with:When a shift-shifter kidnaps his dream woman, an alcoholic must rescue her before her soul? is harvested for energy.I'm dubious? afflicting the protagonist with schizophrenia.? In years gone by, schizophrenia wasRead more

    Distilling your 32-word revised logline? down to 19 words? this is what I come up with:

    When a shift-shifter kidnaps his dream woman, an alcoholic must rescue her before her soul? is harvested for energy.

    I’m dubious? afflicting the protagonist with schizophrenia.? In years gone by, schizophrenia was a disorder that writers could handily inflict upon characters because of ignorance? about the true causes and symptoms of the disorder.? But now we know so much more, chronically and acutely.? How it so cripples waking consciousness. IMHO,? it’s not credible that he would be able to cognitively function? well enough to rescue anyone, even himself.? It’s even more incredible when his mental disorder is further messed up with alcoholism.

    (I write this as someone who has real life experience in interacting with people afflicted with schizophrenia.? “Literally hands on” experience in a few cases where I had to physically assist in subduing people overwhelmed by their hallucinations.)

    Well, one might argue, the genre is a fantasy.? Doesn’t that grant the writer a license to play loose and fancy with the any and all facts?? ?I don’t think so..? A fantasy asks a reader or viewer to suspend disbelief.? But I think disbelief can only be suspended so long and so far.? The incredible must be anchored in the credible.?

    And the most important credible anchor is human emotion and human behavior.?Viewers will suspend disbelief for factual fabulism but, IMHO, they will never suspend disbelief for emotional fabulism.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: September 9, 2018In: Fantasy

    When the woman of his dreams is kidnapped by a mysterious figure, a manic-depressive alcoholic alters his entire life trajectory to save her from an ethereal shape-shifter that harvests souls for energy.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 10, 2018 at 1:46 am

    What do you consider your hook to be, the key element that will attract the interest of movie makers and eventually movie viewers?>>>he?s bi-polar because of childhood trauma,.I suggest digging a little deeper into the medical literature.? ASFAIK , bi-polar disorder has been established toRead more

    What do you consider your hook to be, the key element that will attract the interest of movie makers and eventually movie viewers?

    >>>he?s bi-polar because of childhood trauma,.

    I suggest digging a little deeper into the medical literature.? ASFAIK , bi-polar disorder has been established to be an organic in origin — not the result of this or that trauma in the past.? ?

    >>> ?his entire life trajectory? more specific.

    Yep.? That translates into? sobering up, stop ‘self-medicating’ with alcohol,? and start medicating for bipolar (because that is the only effective way to deal with it.? You can’t will yourself not to have bipolar mood swings. Again, study the medical literature.)

    What is the plot? “Altering his life trajectory” — whatever that means?? Or rescuing the woman of his dreams?

    And then there is the matter of the time line.? In the time it takes him to recover, wouldn’t the woman be long gone because the shape shifter has harvested her soul for energy??

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  3. Posted: September 6, 2018In: Thriller

    Edit2 – When a man inherits his father?s fortune he is shot while he sleeps, he wakes to his final day on earth rewinding around him and must figure out who shot him before he bleeds to death.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 8, 2018 at 2:19 am

    Alas, the revised version is too long (48 words) and too complicated.?And it needs a ticking clock, a deadline.? Unless it's a "Groundhog Day" scenario where he keeps reliving the last day of his life culminating in his brutal murder until he figures how who did it -- and why.? But I don't know whicRead more

    Alas, the revised version is too long (48 words) and too complicated.?

    And it needs a ticking clock, a deadline.? Unless it’s a “Groundhog Day” scenario where he keeps reliving the last day of his life culminating in his brutal murder until he figures how who did it — and why.? But I don’t know which way you intend to go with the concept.

    fwiw

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