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  1. Posted: August 7, 2018In: Examples

    After three friends gain super-powers from a crashed alien ship, two of them must stop the third from destroying the city.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 14, 2018 at 12:09 am

    Well, now that I've read the script and seen the movie, here is my take:My m.o. is to draft a rough cut of a logline that answers what I consider to be the most important question:? what is the story hook?? So here is my rough cut version:After acquiring super powers from a crashed alien ship, an emRead more

    Well, now that I’ve read the script and seen the movie, here is my take:

    My m.o. is to draft a rough cut of a logline that answers what I consider to be the most important question:? what is the story hook?? So here is my rough cut version:

    After acquiring super powers from a crashed alien ship, an emotionally unstable teen spins out of control as his powers grow.
    (21 words)

    This version frames the story from the traditional viewpoint of a singular protagonist. However, it is untraditional in that it does not set up a character who is control of his dramatic destiny, who is proactively pursuing a positive objective goal.

    So, an alternative logline might be:

    After they acquire super powers from a crashed alien ship, a teenager struggles to use them productively while preventing his emotionally unstable cousin from spinning out of control.
    (28 words)

    This version frames the story with dual — and dueling — protagonists, Matthew and his cousin, Andrew.? It does not include the 3rd character, Steve. I exclude him because it is Matthew, not Steve, who lays down the Inviolate Rules (don’t use the powers on other people, don’t use them in anger). It is Matthew, not Steve who is more concerned, who has the stronger emotional reaction to Andrew’s loss of control. He is the character who has the greater emotional bond to Andrew — they’re cousins.

    In comparison, Steve ihas no particular emotional bond to the other two characters.? He likes everyone — and everyone likes him. He’s Mr. Congeniality, the most popular guy in school who faciliates the (temporary) reversal of Andrew’s fortune and status in the 1st 1/2 of Act 2.? Having fulfilled that role by the MPR, he’s killed off.

    Now then. The writer could have elected to keep Steve alive to partner up with Matthew after the MPR to try to rescue Andrew.? But that’s not the choice the writer made. He was written as a disposable character. In contrast, Matthew, Andrew’s cousin, survives to the FADE OUT.

    So the primary relationship dynamic occurs in a dyad, not a triad. (And the minimal “B” story plot line involving the romantic relationship belongs to Matthew.)

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: August 11, 2018In: Crime

    A contract killer takes his teenage brother on job hunting down a group of anonymous gangbangers for a Mexican drug cartel to deter the wannabe-thug from a harrowing life of crime.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 13, 2018 at 2:40 am

    When his kid brother starts dealing drugs, a hit man tries to scare him straight by taking him on his latest job, to kill a notorious cartel leader.(28 words)It? translates "start a life of crime" into something more specific and relevant to the hit man's next target for termination. ? And it's moreRead more

    When his kid brother starts dealing drugs, a hit man tries to scare him straight by taking him on his latest job, to kill a notorious cartel leader.
    (28 words)

    It? translates “start a life of crime” into something more specific and relevant to the hit man’s next target for termination. ? And it’s more logical and higher stakes:? If someone is desperate enough to lay out a lot of cash for a hit man, it would be too take out the leader at the top of the supply and command chain, a? menacing rival, not some secondary nuisance or trouble maker.? Of course, the hit man will have to go through gangbangers, button men et al to get to the cartel leader.

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: August 11, 2018In: Crime

    A contract killer takes his teenage brother on job hunting down a group of anonymous gangbangers for a Mexican drug cartel to deter the wannabe-thug from a harrowing life of crime.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 12, 2018 at 4:23 am

    As Mikepedley85 said.? What did his kid brother do that provoked the pro killer to the extreme remedy of? compelling? him to do a job? A job that would put the professional's life in greater jeopardy due to the brother's lack of experience??What dramatically justifies the professional undertaking suRead more

    As Mikepedley85 said.? What did his kid brother do that provoked the pro killer to the extreme remedy of? compelling? him to do a job? A job that would put the professional’s life in greater jeopardy due to the brother’s lack of experience??

    What dramatically justifies the professional undertaking such an imprudent risk??

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