1. Posted: July 21, 2020In:

    When a gang member’s girl scout kid sister threatens to disown him after he was convicted for vandalism yet again, he promises to help her make the entire town litter-free during his remaining days of freedom.

    dpg Singularity

    When I read a logline, the first question I have is: what's the story hook? So what's the story hook? The story hook for *you*? By my count, Scott, this is your fourth version of a logline about picking up litter. What is there about the premise that incites your imagination? Why do you want to -- wRead more

    When I read a logline, the first question I have is: what’s the story hook? So what’s the story hook? The story hook for *you*?

    By my count, Scott, this is your fourth version of a logline about picking up litter. What is there about the premise that incites your imagination? Why do you want to — why *must* you — tell a story about picking up litter?

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  2. Posted: July 21, 2020In:

    When a magical spirit reveals the world’s destructive fate, an introverted high school girl must flee her privileged upbringing and journey through an impoverished land to find a saviour, which she later learns is actually herself, and confront the powerful government of the city before the world collapses beneath her feet.

    dpg Singularity

    There is an awful lot of story in one logline. Is this all to be packed into one feature film? Or is envisioned as a saga to be spread out over the course of a series? Also it seems to be a story line tailored along the lines of the "Hero's Journey" paradigm as formulated by Joseph Campbell and amplRead more

    There is an awful lot of story in one logline. Is this all to be packed into one feature film? Or is envisioned as a saga to be spread out over the course of a series?

    Also it seems to be a story line tailored along the lines of the “Hero’s Journey” paradigm as formulated by Joseph Campbell and amplified by others. All guys — it’s an heroic paradigm for young men suffering the effects of acute testosterone poisoning. A number of feminist writers, such as Kim Hudson, have advocated a different “Heroine Journey” paradigm for female protagonists. FWIW.

    And “introverted” is a temperament trait — but it is not a weakness, not a character flaw.

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  3. Posted: July 19, 2020In:

    When an indicted small-time thief learns of her boy scout kid brother’s ambition to make their crime-ridden town litter-free, she must spend her remaining days of freedom helping him while keeping him safe.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    My usual m.o. for evaluating a logline is to approach it as if I were a movie producer. That is, I know nothing about the "back story" of the logline, how it came to be written, the versions and revisions it went through. Nor can I read the writer's mind. All I can read are the words in the logline.Read more

    My usual m.o. for evaluating a logline is to approach it as if I were a movie producer. That is, I know nothing about the “back story” of the logline, how it came to be written, the versions and revisions it went through. Nor can I read the writer’s mind. All I can read are the words in the logline.

    The logline must stand on its own.

    Now then. Were I a movie producer, I would be initially interested in the logline because littering is a prime pet peeve. So on one level (whether the writer intends it I know not) I can see in the story a parable for our troubled and trashed times. That is, to clean up the environment, save the world from the consequences of global warming, think global–and start local.

    But to my sensibility, the critical story elements don’t cohere.

    For one thing, the character flaw is fungible to the action and purpose of the plot. And to the implicit character arc. By that, I mean you could swap out “small-time thief” for her being a drug dealer, a prostitute, a forger, a murderer — and there would no apparent difference to her purpose in the plot. Nor would it alter her overall character arc. (What is her character arc, anyway?)

    But the nature and trajectory of the character arc is contingent on the nature of the character flaw. A change in the flaw entails a change in the character arc.

    The character flaw should relate to the plot as a whole in that it constitutes a serious impediment to achieving the objective goal. So if she doesn’t overcome the flaw, she can’t achieve her goal.

    And it is usually the case that there is a thematic subtext to which the character flaw and the character goal are both connected. I am unable to intuit one.

    Further, while she may want to help her nephew, there is no evidence suggesting why she “must help him” arising from either her character or her predicament.

    Finally, I fail to see how her “career choice” qualifies her to protect her nephew. If she were a murderer or a robber, or an enforcer — yes. But a mere petty thief? I don’t think so. Petty thieves are snatch and run criminals, not snatch and fight.

    My 2.5 cents worth.

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