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  1. Posted: June 27, 2018In: Thriller

    When a cash-hungry escort driver gets wind of an easy score, his life becomes ever more obscure the deeper he commits to it and the people involved.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 28, 2018 at 2:06 am

    As mikepedley 85 said.? Think visually.? "Simple robbery becomes obscured" is.... obscure.? What does it mean?? What does it look like?? ?No visual comes to my mind. And a logline should evoke a visual in the mind of a logline reader.? The visual may not be the one you have in mind; what matters isRead more

    As mikepedley 85 said.? Think visually.? “Simple robbery becomes obscured” is…. obscure.? What does it mean?? What does it look like?? ?No visual comes to my mind. And a logline should evoke a visual in the mind of a logline reader.? The visual may not be the one you have in mind; what matters is that it is a visual that? motivates the logline reader to want to read the script.

    Right now, my mind is drawing a blank — not a visual.? I have no idea what the plot is.

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  2. Posted: June 27, 2018In: Romance

    A man is informed he has one year to decides to do everything on his wife?s bucket list to maximise their time together, but she is to sad to enjoy the experience .

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 27, 2018 at 10:46 pm

    "A? man is informed " is vague for a description of the inciting incident that triggers the ticking clock.? What, exactly, is the bad news?? I 'm guessing she been given a fatal diagnosis.? But I shouldn't have to guess.? The logline should, uh,? inform me.And I like Richiev's idea of the wife beingRead more

    “A? man is informed ” is vague for a description of the inciting incident that triggers the ticking clock.? What, exactly, is the bad news?? I ‘m guessing she been given a fatal diagnosis.? But I shouldn’t have to guess.? The logline should, uh,? inform me.

    And I like Richiev’s idea of the wife being the lead.? Pursuing her bucket list in spite of her depression makes for a more interesting character. She takes charge of her own life.

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  3. Posted: June 27, 2018In: Comedy

    When he finds himself in the friend zone with the girl of his dreams his senior year of high school, a beta male must climb his way out of this inescapable trap before his Cinderella is stolen from him?.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 27, 2018 at 8:26 am

    The issue I have with the concept is that it's a retread of a too familiar coming of age trope.? The shy/introverted/nerdy 97-pound weakling/loser? must take on the Big Man On Campus/School Bully/Captain of the Football Team? to win the heart and mind of Miss Popularity/Prom Queen/Hottest Babe in ScRead more

    The issue I have with the concept is that it’s a retread of a too familiar coming of age trope.? The shy/introverted/nerdy 97-pound weakling/loser? must take on the Big Man On Campus/School Bully/Captain of the Football Team? to win the heart and mind of Miss Popularity/Prom Queen/Hottest Babe in School.

    What new twist does this bring to that overused trope?

    fwiw

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