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  1. Posted: June 23, 2018In: Drama

    A young boy attempts to rise the ranks as a grandmaster chess player, but his goals are thrown off when his mentor intervenes out of jealousy.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 24, 2018 at 5:38 am

    As variable said.? To say that his "goals are thrown off"? is to portray him as weak and the victim of the mentor.? This logline conveys the impression that the mentor takes control of the driver's seat and steers the plot. A protagonist must be protrayed as?proactive,? as someone who is in the drivRead more

    As variable said.? To say that his “goals are thrown off”? is to portray him as weak and the victim of the mentor.? This logline conveys the impression that the mentor takes control of the driver’s seat and steers the plot. A protagonist must be protrayed as?proactive,? as someone who is in the driver’s seat of the plot? and never surrenders it no matter who opposes him or what the? major obstacle is .

    Also “thrown off” is weak and vague.? Be specific.? How does the mentor sabotage his career?

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  2. Posted: June 23, 2018In: Crime

    When the ultimate betrayal comes to surface, 8 friends will become enemies and only 1 will be left standing.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 23, 2018 at 12:10 pm

    "Ultimate betrayal " is vague.? What does that mean? And the logline also contains a spoiler; it gives away the ending (only 1 will survive). That is something a logline should never do.

    “Ultimate betrayal ” is vague.? What does that mean?

    And the logline also contains a spoiler; it gives away the ending (only 1 will survive). That is something a logline should never do.

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  3. Posted: June 20, 2018In: Fantasy

    Malevolent Rattlesnake. Trickster Coyote. Romantic Jackrabbit. To rescue her kidnapped daughter, she must face them all in a dangerous and perplexing supernatural world.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 21, 2018 at 8:56 pm

    Who /what kidnapped her?? More important than listing the fantastical animals who may be either obstacles or potential allies is identifying the foe, the antagonist.

    Who /what kidnapped her?? More important than listing the fantastical animals who may be either obstacles or potential allies is identifying the foe, the antagonist.

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