Agree with the others. “Sets of a chain reaction” is too vague. Sending the prostitute to the house sets up the inciting incident, but doesn’t seem to be the inciting incident.? And there is no clear objective goal.? In fact, it’s not clear to me who the protagonist is, the madam, the prostitute, or….?

Daryl:

Thanks for the clarification.? As some who has a vivid? and varied “night” life? (lucid dreams), the subject matter is of more than casual interest.

I think you have an interesting idea, but I suggest you re-engineer the logline to focus on the black market for memories, the raw material for dreams.? Then in the script introduce and work in the dream work.

Why?? Because I fear that if you lead off with a focus on the dreams, it will create the impression that the story is a knock off of “Inception”.? ? That was certainly my first impression.? And first impressions matter.? In fact, with loglines you only get one chance, a few seconds, to make the right impression.

Your concept is somewhat similar –but? more than that.? It’s different than “Inception”.? And more of the same — but different? — is what movie makers are looking for.? I suggest that the original twist, the story hook is the black market in memories.?

One further suggestion for the story (if you haven’t already thought of it). Turn the incriminating memory/dreams into a McGuffin — something the bad guy is trying to locate, too.? Too eliminate? the clues, the evidence of his guilt by killing off whoever bought the memory.

fwiw