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An alien politician whose world was colonised by humans must fight a corrupt system and a supremacist organisation to rise to the top.
As Foxtrot25 said.? Why would an audience root for an alien species?? Particularly one in conflict with our own species?
As Foxtrot25 said.? Why would an audience root for an alien species?? Particularly one in conflict with our own species?
See lessRevision #2: When given the choice of reliving his life, a deceased high-flyer is told by a sagely corpse in order to do so he must correct three past mistakes before his funeral in 48 hours or risk being trapped in Limbo forever.
As usual, Richiev's review and suggestions are spot on.However, I don't think>>recall a single moment from his life that defined him before his funeraladequately addresses Richiev's suggestions.? That phrase seems rather vague, nonspecific.And even after he remembers one such moment, so what??Read more
As usual, Richiev’s review and suggestions are spot on.
However, I don’t think
>>recall a single moment from his life that defined him before his funeral
adequately addresses Richiev’s suggestions.? That phrase seems rather vague, nonspecific.
And even after he remembers one such moment, so what?? What difference will it make in how he lives his life going forward?? Isn’t the more important issue what must he DO about what he remembers?
See lessRevision #2: When a depressed drunk he assists claims to be a cupid, a widowered psychiatrist who?s forgotten how to feel love must see the world through the drunk’s eyes to uncover the truth and help him find a reason to live again.
>>>>>>must reopen his eyes to the world of romance to uncover the truthAt face value, this version of the logline seems to say the protagonist already knows the true nature of his subjective problem/emotional needs when he undertakes to treat the drunk.? ?That from the git-go,? aftRead more
>>>>>>must reopen his eyes to the world of romance to uncover the truth
At face value, this version of the logline seems to say the protagonist already knows the true nature of his subjective problem/emotional needs when he undertakes to treat the drunk.? ?That from the git-go,? after the inciting incident, his intention becomes to take the case so that he can reopen his eyes to romance.? ?IOW: his goal is deal with his subjective needs because he immediately realizes that he must heal himself in order to heal the client.
That he must reopen his eyes is an epiphany that usually would come no sooner than the midpoint of the plot.? Consequently that means “reopening his eyes” is extraneous to the logline.? ?Why? Because a logline is only concerned about the intentional goal the protagonist decides upon based on his knowledge and awareness at the end of? the 1st Act.
And all the protagonist knows at the end of the 1st Act is what he wants to achieve — his objective goal. To repeat, by dramatic convention, he is in ignorance of or in denial of the true nature of his subjective problem, much less the remedy.?
Even if he’s a shrink.? Because shrinks are only human; they are subject to all the defense/coping mechanisms of denial, repression, rationalization, intellectualization, etc. — to all the failings and foibles that hobble their clients . (That he’s a shrink adds dramatic irony to the situation.)
>>>before the drunk loses his will to live.
I suggest this could to be reworded.? ?Would it not be the case that by the time drunk seeks therapy, he’s at the end of his tether?? He’s lost almost all his will to live?? So isn’t his subjective need to find the will to live?? (IOW:? in loglines, spin the desired outcomes positively, not negatively.)
fwiw