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Revision: Trapped into a lease with his ex-wife, a depressed writer must navigate the intricacies of single life, but when he falls for his married boss, life gets so much more complicated.
The logline gives the protagonist a problem and a major complication but it fails to give him a dramatic objective goal. Given the problem, given the complication what must he do?? What becomes his objective goal?
The logline gives the protagonist a problem and a major complication but it fails to give him a dramatic objective goal.
Given the problem, given the complication what must he do?? What becomes his objective goal?
See lessAfter waking up, deceased with no memory, in the local morgue, a high-flying college graduate must remember his past and come to terms with his death before his funeral to get another shot at his life.
The story can certainly open with him "waking up" in a morgue.? But it seems to me that does not constitute the inciting incident.Rather, the inciting incident is the beat he finds out he has a chance for a do over....if... Otherwise there is no reason, no purpose, no personal stakes for him to remeRead more
The story can certainly open with him “waking up” in a morgue.? But it seems to me that does not constitute the inciting incident.
Rather, the inciting incident is the beat he finds out he has a chance for a do over….if… Otherwise there is no reason, no purpose, no personal stakes for him to remember anything.? Knowing he can have a shot at a do over is what triggers the plot.
Yet this inciting incident comes at the end of the logline when an inciting incident should? lead off? a logline.
>>>before his funeral
Good, a ticking clock.? But I? suggest time he has before the funeral needs to be spelled out:? 24 hours…. 48 hours… whatever.
>>>come to terms with his death
What does that mean?? It’s vague, a generality.? And it relates to his subjective need.? A logline should be about a specific objective goal — about a person, place, event, or object that can be seen, be visualized on screen.? ?What’s the visual, the screen shot for “come to terms with his death”?
fwiw
See lessA Rebellious Saharan Princess, escapes the palace to search for her abducted mother, but discovers she is the key to the survival or enslavement of the world.
>>>she discovers she is the keySo what must she do then?? What becomes her positive objective goal?? "Preventing a millennia old conflict" is negative and incomplete.? What is the corresponding positive goal she must pursue to prevent the negative outcome?
>>>she discovers she is the key
So what must she do then?? What becomes her positive objective goal?? “Preventing a millennia old conflict” is negative and incomplete.? What is the corresponding positive goal she must pursue to prevent the negative outcome?
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