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When an arcane creature disembowels several Asian women in 1900s San Francisco, a war-weary army officer teams with a disparate group of social outcasts to hunt it down? Only to discover the city council is the real force behind the monster?s bloodbath.
>>>Only to discover the city council is the real force behind the monster?s bloodbath. That's a spoiler and a logline should never have a spoiler.? The Big Reveal is something a logline should never reveal.? What's going to sell the script -- and the movie -- is the monster, not the politicRead more
>>>Only to discover the city council is the real force behind the monster?s bloodbath.
That’s a spoiler and a logline should never have a spoiler.? The Big Reveal is something a logline should never reveal.? What’s going to sell the script — and the movie — is the monster, not the politics.
Also the antagonist should be a single individual, a Bad Guy (or Gal), not a committee, a group of Bad Guys (and Girls). A group of people can be complicit, of course, but who is the first among equals, the alpha character, who is leading the others?
See lessAn ex-smuggler seeks a quiet life, until past criminal associates find him and terrorize his new family, demanding a bigger cut from their last job.
And then what?The logline sets up the inciting incident for a plot but it needs to follow through and succinctly lay out the plot that includes the action that follows as a result.? Specifically, what becomes the ex-smuggler's objective goal? As the protagonist what MUST the ex-smuggler?proactivelyRead more
And then what?
The logline sets up the inciting incident for a plot but it needs to follow through and succinctly lay out the plot that includes the action that follows as a result.? Specifically, what becomes the ex-smuggler’s objective goal? As the protagonist what MUST the ex-smuggler?proactively do as a result of the inciting incident?
See lessOn an isolated, faraway island, a blind young man lives in between a peaceful religious native community. But when an ambiguous and seditious village member instills in the boy some doubts concerning their religion, harmony is broken and so it begins a spiral of violence that will bring the community to its destruction.
>>>lives in between a peaceful religious native community rather:? lives among? >>>will bring the community to its destruction. A spoiler,? And a logline should never contain a spoiler, a giveaway how the story ends. >>>so it begins a spiral of violence Action should not bRead more
>>>lives in between a peaceful religious native community
rather:? lives among?
>>>will bring the community to its destruction.
A spoiler,? And a logline should never contain a spoiler, a giveaway how the story ends.
>>>so it begins a spiral of violence
Action should not be assigned anonymously or vaguely.? Reword to indicate exactly WHO starts the violence.
The logline lacks an objective goal for the protagonist.? As written the blind young man is reacting to the malevolent village member — and in a negative, destructive manner.? But a protagonist should be proactive, not reactive.? He should be proactively pursuing a positive goal (in his own mind, anyway) even if his methods are violent and destructive.
fwiw.
See less