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A disgruntled actress attempts to renew her U.S. residency by agreeing to help a politician fabricate a personable image in a reality TV show about the Arizona hierarchy.
I live in the US and I, too, have no idea what the "Arizona hierarchy" refers to.? And I also find the premise to be convoluted; the elements -- disgruntled... renew residency.... fabricate a personable image... Arizona hierarchy -- just don't cohere into a clear picture of what the plot is about.
I live in the US and I, too, have no idea what the “Arizona hierarchy” refers to.? And I also find the premise to be convoluted; the elements — disgruntled… renew residency…. fabricate a personable image… Arizona hierarchy — just don’t cohere into a clear picture of what the plot is about.
See lessThe televised poker tournament is on an hour break and the chip leader is locked in a utility closet; she hears a bomb ticking. Can she defuse it and get back in time to win?
On the plus side, the productions costs would certainly be minimal as most of the action would take place in one very small set.On the negative side, the logline posits a situation where at first, fleeting glance her struggle and suffering (mental anguish) seems to have no obvious meaning or purposeRead more
On the plus side, the productions costs would certainly be minimal as most of the action would take place in one very small set.
On the negative side, the logline posits a situation where at first, fleeting glance her struggle and suffering (mental anguish) seems to have no obvious meaning or purpose; ergo it reads contrived, her suffering? and struggle gratuitous.? We have no clue who is the adversary who locked her in the closed or what his or her motive is.
Compare this logline with the protagonist in “Phone Booth” (2002), who is pinned down by a sniper in a phone booth to make him confess his infidelities in order to have his life sparred.???The hook of the story is not just the what, that’s he’s pinned down by sniper fire in a phone booth — but also the why, because the sniper knows he’s a phony. (Word play intended.)
(Btw, I hear Harvey Weinstein has been cast for the lead in the re-make and this time the sniper will be female. The sniper role has become the most coveted role in the history of? Hollyweird.) 🙂
Anyway, I’m guessing there’s a why in this story. I suggest there needs to be at least a hint of it in the logline.
fwiw
See lessA woman stands up one man for another because he is nicer, so she thought. She soon discovers he’s a serial killer and her life depends on the first man to send that psycho to hell.
Agree with Richiev. You gotta decide who owns the story.? The woman who foolishly stands up the nice guy in favor of the wrong guy only to realize.. ? Or the nice guy who maybe was too nice, who has to rise to the occasion and become a mensch instead of a milquetoast (character arc) in order to rescRead more
Agree with Richiev.
You gotta decide who owns the story.? The woman who foolishly stands up the nice guy in favor of the wrong guy only to realize.. ? Or the nice guy who maybe was too nice, who has to rise to the occasion and become a mensch instead of a milquetoast (character arc) in order to rescue the damsel in distress who stood him up?
Whoever owns the story — which is to say, the one with the stronger character arc –? frame and focus the logline around that character as the protagonist.
fwiw
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