1. Posted: November 10, 2017In:

    When a teenage girl has her robot?s algorithm stolen by her mentor, the only way to expose the truth to is to compete against him at an International Robotics Competition, and win a grant to develop the tech that will allow her paralysed mother to paint again.

    dpg Singularity

    Agree with JanCabal.? The plot begins when her mentor steals her innovation.? The information about her mother is backstory, and although part of the story is extraneous for the purpose of a logline.Further, it's unclear as to whether the app creates art ex nihilo by itself or whether the app is a tRead more

    Agree with JanCabal.? The plot begins when her mentor steals her innovation.? The information about her mother is backstory, and although part of the story is extraneous for the purpose of a logline.

    Further, it’s unclear as to whether the app creates art ex nihilo by itself or whether the app is a tool? her paralyzed mother can use to enable her to resume her art.? I’m guessing the latter, but I shouldn’t have to guess.? The logline should be clear on the function of the app.

    This? logline is the 4th iteration of the same premise, a girl prodigy who can build and program robots.? Seems like this is a premise in search of a? plot.? Given that we are on the cusp of the age of robots,? there are important social and economic implications — stakes — worthy of dramatic exploration.?

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  2. Posted: November 7, 2017In:

    A British Major and aristocrat must team up with a vulgar guerilla leader in order to blow up a bridge in Nazi occupied Greece. Based on a true story.

    dpg Singularity

    Maybe something like: The true story of an aristocratic British major and a vulgar guerrilla leader who team up to choke off supplies to Rommel's army in North Africa by destroying strategic railroad bridges in Nazi occupied Greece. (35 words) I tweaked it a little because given how mountainous theRead more

    Maybe something like:

    The true story of an aristocratic British major and a vulgar guerrilla leader who team up to choke off supplies to Rommel’s army in North Africa by destroying strategic railroad bridges in Nazi occupied Greece.
    (35 words)

    I tweaked it a little because given how mountainous the landscape of Greece is, I imagine that there were many bridges that would have been targets for sabotage.? If, however, they teamed up only to target the most important one, the one that would be hardest for the Nazis to rebuild, then amend accordingly.

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: November 8, 2017In:

    When a genie in a pill bottle grants him his wish to be an action hero, a meek civil servant suffering from high anxiety must survive his mundane day job that magically transformed into a series of spectacular action sequences.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    I'm hooked on the premise of a genie in a pill bottle -- that's a good one.? But? I'm not particularly intrigued by the story line that follows. I suggest brainstorming the premise, digging for a deeper and richer story.? Like what kind of pills were in the bottle?? Pain killers, anti-depressants, sRead more

    I’m hooked on the premise of a genie in a pill bottle — that’s a good one.? But? I’m not particularly intrigued by the story line that follows.

    I suggest brainstorming the premise, digging for a deeper and richer story.? Like what kind of pills were in the bottle?? Pain killers, anti-depressants, sleeping pills?? And how could the kind of medication in the pill bottle relate thematically to his subjective problem?? And what if the genie’s only has the power to grant wishes offer the kind of relief the medication is supposed to provide?? And what if the small print — the warning about side effects — applies to whatever wish the genie grants as well as.

    fwiw

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