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  1. Posted: October 29, 2017In: Examples

    When two young couple fall in love, they must fight their families rivalry if they are to live their romance.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 30, 2017 at 5:08 am

    My take:When teenagers from feuding families fall in love and secretly marry, they must struggle to reunite after the boy is banished for killing the girl's cousin. (26 words)Of course, it's only the greatest teenage love story ever written. (Juliet is only 13.? Romeo's age is never stated, but giveRead more

    My take:

    When teenagers from feuding families fall in love and secretly marry, they must struggle to reunite after the boy is banished for killing the girl’s cousin.
    (26 words)

    Of course, it’s only the greatest teenage love story ever written. (Juliet is only 13.? Romeo’s age is never stated, but given his immaturity, he is surely a teen himself).? My version focuses on the action line.

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  2. Posted: October 28, 2017In: Romance

    While investigating the darker parts of his corrupt city, a teenaged aristocrat is beguiled and betrayed by a brilliant young drug lord with a troubled past.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 29, 2017 at 9:45 am

    As savinh0 said.Who owns the story and what is the story about? IOW: what is the spine of the script?? Is it the blue blooded teen investigating corruption?? Or the young drug lord beguiling the teen?? Both can be elements in the script, but one of them should constitute the main plot (aka: the spinRead more

    As savinh0 said.

    Who owns the story and what is the story about? IOW: what is the spine of the script?? Is it the blue blooded teen investigating corruption?? Or the young drug lord beguiling the teen?? Both can be elements in the script, but one of them should constitute the main plot (aka: the spine), the other the subplot.?

    And the logline should focus on the main plot.

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  3. Posted: October 24, 2017In: Fantasy

    Novel: In a supernatural world where superpowers are common, a likeable teenager discovers he possesses a power known to be cursed. Cast out by society, he will go on a journey to learn the origin of his power and prove to himself and the society he can be better than the curse.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 29, 2017 at 9:29 am

    I think the logline should ID the power and specify the journey.? ?At a time when there is a glut of movies with heroes possessing superpowers, what makes his stand out from all the rest?? (Also, it's not exactly a unique story twist that his power is both a boon and a curse. That's SOP for extraordRead more

    I think the logline should ID the power and specify the journey.? ?At a time when there is a glut of movies with heroes possessing superpowers, what makes his stand out from all the rest?? (Also, it’s not exactly a unique story twist that his power is both a boon and a curse. That’s SOP for extraordinary powers, as far back as Greek mythology, as recent as the Force in “Star Wars”.? ?So, again, what is unique about his challenge?)

    And what is his particular journey? That, too, is SOP in myth and movies about super-sized characters.? ?What differentiates his journey from all the other hero’s journeys?

    And finally, what are the stakes?? If he fails to overcome the negative aspect of his power — well, tough luck kid, you can’t win ’em all.? But folks, not to worry!? There are legions of other super empowered people on standby to handle any crisis that arises.

    Which is to say, that it’s also SOP in the hero paradigm that whatever special power the hero has, it’s? one bestowed for the benefit of his team/tribe/society.? It’s one his world needs — desperately.? For sure enough, a crisis arises that threatens the existence of that society.? if he fails to master his gift in time his team/tribe/society is doomed.?

    BTW: this is all explained in Joseph Campbell’s “The Hero with a 1,000 Faces”.? Which was the inspiration for how George Lucas crafted the original Star Wars movie. (Luke must master the Force to destroy the Death Star before it destroys the team/tribe he? with whom he has cast his lot, the Rebel Alliance.)? Suggested reading for anyone writing about superheroes.

    fwiw

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