1. Posted: April 21, 2020In: ,

    Hounded by debt collectors, a brassy small-time hustler solves her money woes by becoming a debt collector herself.

    dpg Singularity

    mrliteral:Thanks for your notes.Whenever possible, I prefer to lead with what I believe is the story hook.? Sometimes that's the situation more than the character who has to deal with it.? I do agree that it's important to introduce the protagonist ASAP, but I don't subscribe to it as an ironclad reRead more

    mrliteral:

    Thanks for your notes.

    Whenever possible, I prefer to lead with what I believe is the story hook.? Sometimes that’s the situation more than the character who has to deal with it.? I do agree that it’s important to introduce the protagonist ASAP, but I don’t subscribe to it as an ironclad requirement.? In this case, I considered the story hook to be? the “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” conceit.

    As for your other complaints about the plotting, take it up with screenwriter for the movie.? It ain’t my job to polish the plots other people wrote, only to attempt to reflect them in a logline.??

    By the midpoint of the movie she has solved her money problems.? That’s the way the script was written, the movie made.? And then what?? See my earlier note.

    ?

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  2. Posted: April 21, 2020In: ,

    Hounded by debt collectors, a brassy small-time hustler solves her money woes by becoming a debt collector herself.

    dpg Singularity

    Trix:Being hounded by debt collectors is the inciting incident. The story hook is a take on? "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em."And it does solve her money woes.?She's a natural.?She's so good she forms her own debt collection agency that competes against the sleazy guy who hired her -- the midpointRead more

    Trix:

    Being hounded by debt collectors is the inciting incident. The story hook is a take on? “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.”

    And it does solve her money woes.?She’s a natural.?She’s so good she forms her own debt collection agency that competes against the sleazy guy who hired her — the midpoint pivot.

    So her relationship with her sleazy nemesis goes through 3 roles, 2 switches:

    1]? She’s starts out as his victim.
    2] Then she becomes his employee and protege.
    3] Finally, she becomes his rival.

    Good plotting, imho.

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  3. Posted: April 13, 2020In:

    An emotionally-stunted, apathetic playboy learns to grieve his father’s death and appreciate life from a terminally ill woman, who loves life.

    dpg Singularity

    thedarkhorse:The standard m.o. for "smuggling in " in subjective needs is via the character flaw.? The character flaw is worked out in the process of struggling for the objective goal (OG).? If there's no OG than then there's no process for working out the subjective need.Another way, I look at it iRead more

    thedarkhorse:

    The standard m.o. for “smuggling in ” in subjective needs is via the character flaw.? The character flaw is worked out in the process of struggling for the objective goal (OG).? If there’s no OG than then there’s no process for working out the subjective need.

    Another way, I look at it is that the objective goal is the gimmick to draw viewers in, get them to invest their time in watching the movie.? The subjective need is the gimmick for the emotional catharsis/pay off that will leave them feeling their time and money was well spent.

    (The working out of the subjective problem may be the story hook for the writer, what draw him into investing blood, sweat and rejection in writing the script.? Which seems to be the case for several of the loglines, you’ve posted.? It is certainly the case with my kidney transplant story.? But, again, when it comes to hooking producer interest into shooting the script, I opine what matters more is the objective goal.)

    The OG in Citizen Kane is to find out the meaning of Kane’s dying word.? Who was Rosebud?? The reporter’s search for the answer to that question is the framing device for the whole picture.?? Without that objective goal, Citizen Kane isn’t a plot; it’s a string of pearls, scenes from the life of supremely ambitious man.

    I don’t think there needs to be a dilemma in regards to the two loglines.? A writer needs to do write both.? One to frame the plot for writing the script, the 2nd one to pitch the finished script.? I wish the site encouraged and supported posting both versions.? But…

    regards

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