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To date the girl of his dreams, a romantic peeping Tom enlists the help of a local cat burglar, but her perilous methods put his law-career at risk.
For anyone reading this for the 1st time with no prior knowledge of the many discussion threads, the logline is not likely to make sense.The guy wants to score with his dream girl -- so he enlists the help of a cat burglar.? WTF?? Again with no prior knowledge of the discussion -- which is how produRead more
For anyone reading this for the 1st time with no prior knowledge of the many discussion threads, the logline is not likely to make sense.
The guy wants to score with his dream girl — so he enlists the help of a cat burglar.? WTF?? Again with no prior knowledge of the discussion — which is how producers, directors and agents will encounter this logline — it’s going to seem nonsensical.? Which means the logline is not going to accomplish it’s mission.
And knowing the discussion threads, I still think the cat burglar is the more interesting character.? The guy’s a wimp.? She is a stronger and more interesting character.? She’s the hook in the logline — not him.? I suggest the story, and logline, be framed around her.
Enough said.
See lessAfter a 17 year old party-girl?s father is imprisoned, she must find the evidence to clear him before Social Services finds out and takes her 11 year old brother from her.
And since she's only 17, isn't she also liable to being institutionalized herself? And how do the two kids survive on their own?? What's their means of support, of sustenance, safety and shelter?? Isn't mere survival a more pressing problem?? What's the downside of being a ward of social services, aRead more
And since she’s only 17, isn’t she also liable to being institutionalized herself?
And how do the two kids survive on their own?? What’s their means of support, of sustenance, safety and shelter?? Isn’t mere survival a more pressing problem?? What’s the downside of being a ward of social services, anyway, especially compared to living on the mean streets by their own wits?? If social services take her boy, doesn’t that free her up to pursue her goal of exonerating her father?
I just don’t see how social services is her biggest dramatic problem to overcome. Merely surviving on their own would seem to a greater challenge, poses much greater risks.? Oh, and top of that the risks and hazards of finding the witnesses and evidence to exonerate her father.
fwiw
See lessWhile digging a murdered girls grave, the church hired hand unearths a bible from 1500 BC and he soon come to grips that it’s the only one written that?has the 11th Commandment and Honor Thy Children and in an instant is transformed to protect all children or die trying.
This logline has an interesting flip on the 5th commandment that children should honor their parents. But I have a hard time buying into the setup .? ?That the girl was murdered sends mixed signals as to what the story is about, what I can expect -- even fear -- may happen to him if he takes this 11Read more
This logline has an interesting flip on the 5th commandment that children should honor their parents.
But I have a hard time buying into the setup .? ?That the girl was murdered sends mixed signals as to what the story is about, what I can expect — even fear — may happen to him if he takes this 11th commandment seriously.
And why would he believe that this “bible” he has uncovered is no ordinary book, that he must take it’s 11th commandment as a divine mandate?? ?That’s quite a leap of instant faith for the protagonist — and for the audience.
And how does the hunter translate that mandate into — here I go again — a specific objective goal?? IOW: what plot follows from his discovery?
And further: what character flaw or vulnerability of the protagonist does this 11th commandment play into — what conflict does it create in his own life and soul?? Is he’s an “old school”, hard- line, hard-shell fundamentalist who believes that it’s the divine duty of children to blindly honor and obey their parents?
All in all, I think this is an interesting concept in search of solid plot vehicle to take it where it wants to go.
fwiw
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