1. Posted: October 7, 2017In:

    An inspiring chronicle of a novice biker girl’s 3,000- mile long solo heroic Motorbike quest to win her inspirational nomad soul mate.

    dpg Singularity

    I ,too, think it has the makings for an interesting story.? But the logline needs to flesh out some details.Like, where does the motorbike quest take place?? That's going to be crucial factor in making the film so it should be in the logline.Also does she (coincidentally) find her soul mate in the cRead more

    I ,too, think it has the makings for an interesting story.? But the logline needs to flesh out some details.

    Like, where does the motorbike quest take place?? That’s going to be crucial factor in making the film so it should be in the logline.

    Also does she (coincidentally) find her soul mate in the course of the her motorbike trip or does she (intentionally) undertake the trip for the express purpose of winning the heart of a specific guy?

    And there’s no need to include “inspirational” in the logline.? Loglines should sell the “sizzle” not the steak, yes, but the “sizzle” has to refer to some real meat in the script.? Whether it’s “inspirational” is a matter of individual taste.?

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  2. Posted: October 5, 2017In:

    Displaced far from her mountain home, a lonely waitress must learn to trust someone as she prepares to flee her increasingly abusive lover.

    dpg Singularity

    It seems to me this logline places the cart before the horse in terms of the woman's objective goal.? Her urgent objective goal is to flee her abusive lover.? Not prepare to flee. , Not plan to flee. Not decide to flee. Not wait until she finds someone she can trust to rescue her and then flee.He obRead more

    It seems to me this logline places the cart before the horse in terms of the woman’s objective goal.? Her urgent objective goal is to flee her abusive lover.? Not prepare to flee. , Not plan to flee. Not decide to flee. Not wait until she finds someone she can trust to rescue her and then flee.

    He objective goal is to flee her abusive lover.? And that is a good basis for a compelling story.

    If in the course of fleeing or after fleeing, she finds someone whom she can trust to treat her right– that’s a bonus. But, again,? it’s not an objective goal.? “Learning to trust” refers to her subjective need.

    In the script proper the objective goal and the subjective need are interwined and work out such that the character must resolve her subjective need in order to obtain her objective goal.? But in loglines, the focus is on achieving an objective goal,? not about resolving a subjective problem.

    To repeat, her objective goal in this situation can be nothing less, nothing other than flee her abusive lover. If she’s waiting to flee until she can find someone to trust, then she’s a weak character, someone who is dependent on others to do what she needs to do for herself.? Now, she can start out from a position of weakness and dependency, hoping to find someone whom she can trust to rescue her.? But she must grow beyond that.

    In the course of the story, if she must learn to trust someone, that someone first and foremost must be herself.

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: October 4, 2017In:

    A mysterious rose causes a tragedy to a teenager?s girlfriend when he gives it to her, and years later tries to make amends by helping find his perfect match. ‘UnMatched Spec script.’

    dpg Singularity

    Is there a typo or two in the logline?? Because I'm not able to sort out the logic.? He (somehow) hurts her... and then tries to make amends by "helping find his perfect match" (??)Who is helping who find what?? And what was the tragedy that precipitates his need to make amends?

    Is there a typo or two in the logline?? Because I’m not able to sort out the logic.? He (somehow) hurts her… and then tries to make amends by “helping find his perfect match” (??)

    Who is helping who find what?? And what was the tragedy that precipitates his need to make amends?

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