Saosci:

Here’s my concern:

Drama works best when it takes the escalator, tension and conflict rising in sequence, one floor at a time.? The protagonist tries something; he’s blocked and defeated.? So he goes up one floor which entails more effort, risk — and creates more tension and conflict.? ?And gets in more trouble and blocked from his objective goal again.

?So up he goes to another floor… and then another… finally reaching the top floor — the maximum level of conflict and tension in the story in the 3rd Act, the climax where the dramatic conflict has to be resolved one way or another.

But your story seems to take the elevator, goes from the ground floor to the top floor in one beat!

What happened to the ballot box, the franchise option?? Like getting the mayor recalled. Or running against him?

And another thing:

An Inviolate Rule is implicit in your character’s political m.o. at the start of the story.? That rule is: use non-violent means to obtain political objectives.? It is not psychologically credible in reel life (or in real life) for a main character to toss overboard an Inviolate Rule in a single beat, because of a single provocation (say, at the end of Act 1).? In drama , a character will only abandon an Inviolate Rule after all other options have been exhausted, when there is no other choice left.

Further, since your character is opting out of his pacifist convictions in favor of violence, you need to bring the audience along, emotionally justify his abandoning his principles.? (And violating the principles of the audience, most of whom are not going to instantly, immediately subscribe to violence for any reason.)

And that takes time, like at least 60 minutes in a feature film.

Take the movie “The Candidate” (1972).? At the start of the movie, the Robert Redford character’s Inviolate Rule is that he won’t sell out his character and principles; he won’t? play the political game his consultant wants him to play to win the senatorial election.? But step by step, escalator by escalator, floor by floor, he’s arrives at the top floor in a dramatic dilemma where he finally breaks his Inviolate Rule.

What makes the film so compelling is not the act of breaking of his Inviolate Rule but the HOW, the process by which he makes little compromises that add up to a sell out of his principles, the corruption of his character.

fwiw

>>A mentally troubled cop,…

Vague, can cover any and every disorder or mood.? Please be specific.

>>> obsessed with a kidnapping victim from his first murder case, struggles to keep her alive

On the first read, it seemed confusing.? I had to read it again to sort it out, something a logline should never have a reader do. Most loglines are only going to one quick pass in 10-12 seconds by a producer, director or agent.? If it isn’t immediately and obviously clear, they aren’t going to read it twice, they’ll just move on to the next one.

There may be a murder involved in setting up the dramatic problem,? the spine of the plot.? But the spine of the plot, the throughline of the action,? seems to be about rescuing a victim of a kidnapping.? I suggest focusing on that in the logline.

>>>as he finds that the kidnapper is closer than he thinks.

Seems to be a spoiler.? Loglines should never reveal the Big Reveal.? And a “come to find out” story moment is understood to be an essential story element in crime genre.? So there is no need to expend words flogging what is expected of the genre.

fwiw