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When an extremely silent zookeeper loses a tiger in a tragic accident, her only chance of keeping her job is to negotiate with the peculiar caregivers of a traumatised former circus tiger.
Loemoemba: What is the dramatic problem of the story? ?Per the logline, she is in jeopardy of losing her job, right? What becomes her solution to solving that problem -- which is another way of saying what becomes her objective goal? ?Negotiating ?is a process that can be a means to and end, to achiRead more
Loemoemba:
What is the dramatic problem of the story? ?Per the logline, she is in jeopardy of losing her job, right?
What becomes her solution to solving that problem — which is another way of saying what becomes her objective goal? ?Negotiating ?is a process that can be a means to and end, to achieving ?a specific objective goal. ?But by itself it doesn’t constitute a dramatic goal.
So what must she do to keep her job? ?But in drama, that’s a tepid way of framing the issue because it’s considered dramatically weak (and boring) description of a goal to be to maintain a status quo. ?It’s better to frame the action in terms of what she must do to overcome her flaw and prove to herself and others that she has become a better keeper of animals than she was before the accident. ?IOW: it should be implicit in the logline that she has to do a lot more than merely “negotiate” – she’s got to grow as a character by overcoming insurmountable obstacles.
And I don’t see that (yet) in the logline.
fwiw
See lessA Scientist and Psychologist Couple manipulate the 2 Year Biosphere Living Experiment by selecting 4 lesbian Women and 4 heterosexual men. As the men go sex-crazy the Scientist allows them out for an evening, which ruins her psychological experiment and the couple, now accidentally locked inside, are at war with each other also. (Improved one from comments on this site. I hope to make this a comedy.)
A logline should be about what a protagonist deliberately intends to do -- not what happens instead, what happens accidentally. ?So "...they end up sabotaging each other, becoming locked inside also, "and at war." is extraneous, doesn't belong in the logline.Why are the couple deliberately manipulatRead more
A logline should be about what a protagonist deliberately intends to do — not what happens instead, what happens accidentally. ?So “…they end up sabotaging each other, becoming locked inside also, “and at war.” is extraneous, doesn’t belong in the logline.
Why are the couple deliberately manipulating the volunteers? ?What is their objective goal? ?What is their working hypothesis— what are they trying to prove with the experiment? ?(Even in a comedy, there has to be quasi-rational, quasi-believable explanations for character behavior and choices.)
See lessA Scientist and Psychologist Couple manipulate the 2 Year Biosphere Living Experiment by selecting 4 lesbian Women and 4 heterosexual men. As the men go sex-crazy the Scientist allows them out for an evening, which ruins her psychological experiment and the couple, now accidentally locked inside, are at war with each other also. (Improved one from comments on this site. I hope to make this a comedy.)
At 60 words this is too logline for a logline and it includes plot twists that are beyond the scope of a logline. Also, as written, it features 10 -- count 'em -- 10 characters. ?Is this supposed to be an ensemble story? ?Or is there is there one character who is 1st among equals, who is the designaRead more
At 60 words this is too logline for a logline and it includes plot twists that are beyond the scope of a logline.
Also, as written, it features 10 — count ’em — 10 characters. ?Is this supposed to be an ensemble story? ?Or is there is there one character who is 1st among equals, who is the designated protagonist? If there is, then the logline need to be framed around and focused on that character.
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