1. Posted: September 27, 2017In:

    A young Rap Mogul, faces a huge dilemma, when he finds out his best friend is also interested in the same woman he’s falling in love with. He must figure out, if friendship is worth losing for his heart.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>his best friend losing revenue because of her relationship with the protagonist Based upon my understanding of the story, what I am suggesting is that it would destroy their very lucrative business relationship as well as their friendship.? They need each other to survive and thrive in aRead more

    >>>his best friend losing revenue because of her relationship with the protagonist

    Based upon my understanding of the story, what I am suggesting is that it would destroy their very lucrative business relationship as well as their friendship.? They need each other to survive and thrive in a ruthlessly competitive business; they complement each other’s strengths and compensate for each other’s weaknesses.

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  2. Posted: September 27, 2017In:

    After being coerced into working for a crime boss, a young getaway driver finds himself taking part in a heist doomed to fail. Baby Driver.

    dpg Singularity

    This is cut and pasted from IMDB.? And what IMDB provides are technicially not loglines, but blurbs.? Blurbs are targeted to movie viewers.? Loglines are targeted to movie makers. Two different markets with two different requirements and expectations.The hook for the movie is not the plot, per se, wRead more

    This is cut and pasted from IMDB.? And what IMDB provides are technicially not loglines, but blurbs.? Blurbs are targeted to movie viewers.? Loglines are targeted to movie makers. Two different markets with two different requirements and expectations.

    The hook for the movie is not the plot, per se, which is a rather standard issue heist story.? The movie hook is the style and? more particularly, the musical score that defines the character and literally underscores everything he does.? That is a hook that I doubt can be succinctly conveyed in a logline.?

    And the writer/director didn’t have to wrestle with that problem.? He sold the script on the strength of his previous work ( like the cult classic “Shaun of the Dead”, and “Scott Pilgrim vs. The World” and “The World’s End”).? He was already sufficiently established in the industry that he didn’t need no stinkin’ logline.

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  3. Posted: September 28, 2017In:

    When a timid zookeeper is held responsible for the death of a tiger, her only chance to save her job is to earn the trust of a traumatised former circus tiger and its bold caregivers.

    dpg Singularity

    An improvement, but I still have concerns.Suggestions:Drop "bold caregivers" because ultimately her objective goal? to keep her job entails winning over the trust of the tiger.? (She could win the trust of the caregivers and yet fail to win the trust of the tiger, right?? So she's fired.)Modify: "boRead more

    An improvement, but I still have concerns.

    Suggestions:

    Drop “bold caregivers” because ultimately her objective goal? to keep her job entails winning over the trust of the tiger.? (She could win the trust of the caregivers and yet fail to win the trust of the tiger, right?? So she’s fired.)

    Modify: “bold caregivers”. Not sure what that means.? Bold in what way? Are they allies in her effort?? For the sake of providing dramatic tension to the story,? it’s better if they are obstacles; they are skeptical, they doubt her ability, her competence. So she must win the trust of the tiger in spite of their doubts, in spite of the methods they are using to care for the tiger — not because of them.

    Also add a ticking clock.? She has X amount of days or a week or whatever to win the trust of the tiger in order to keep her job.

    Finally, I’m still a bit uneasy about framing her goal in terms of trying to keep her job.? Why does she need to keep her job?? What’s really at stake?? Her job security or the safety and welfare of the animals?? I suggest her objective goal be defined in terms of the stakes that will appeal to an audience.? And what will appeal to the audience is not her job, but the purpose of her job, to provide for the welfare of the animals.

    fwiw

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