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A inflexible stoic self-disciplined detective has trust issues due to a traumatic past making moving forward in life an obstacle.
This logline sketches out a subjective issue.? And in vague terms.?And the subjective issue, a traumatic past, is backstory.But an industry standard logline is not about the protagonist's struggle with a subjective issue. A logline is not about the backstory, but the action going forward in time.? ARead more
This logline sketches out a subjective issue.? And in vague terms.?And the subjective issue, a traumatic past, is backstory.
But an industry standard logline is not about the protagonist’s struggle with a subjective issue. A logline is not about the backstory, but the action going forward in time.? An industry standard logline is? about the struggles of a protagonist against obstacles and antagonists to achieve an objective goal.? Not a vaguely defined goal, either, but a specifically defined one.
See the guidelnes under “Forumula” at the top of the web page for writing an industry standard logline.
See lessHostage
What foxtrot25 and Nir Shelter said.And in the US it's becoming SOP that cops must also use? body cameras, turn them on every time they confront a suspect.? Or have a damn good alibi to account for the gap in their camera log.? But maybe it's different in urban Australia, assuming that's where the sRead more
What foxtrot25 and Nir Shelter said.
And in the US it’s becoming SOP that cops must also use? body cameras, turn them on every time they confront a suspect.? Or have a damn good alibi to account for the gap in their camera log.? But maybe it’s different in urban Australia, assuming that’s where the story is set.
It is plausible that a rookie officer may face an ethical and legal dilemma;? that’s a rite (or wrong) of passage in police work. I know; I’ve been there, faced that.?
But? I suggest that the objective goal needs a stronger focus that “get out of this”.
Also,? what does “kidnap” mean in the context of the story?? What’s the time frame.? PO’s have latitude to hold suspects in their custody for hours if they have “probable cause”.? So what is the difference between that and kidnapping in this story?
See lessWhen a timid spoiled peeping tom discovers his poor law-school classmate is moonlighting as a cat burglar, she offers to set him up with the girl of his dreams in return for his silence.
It's not clear to me: who is the main character?? The voyeur or the burglar?And it's not clear to me what the story is about.??Is her objective goal?to set up him with the girl of his dreams?? Is his objective goal to keep quiet about her crimes?? That's it, that's what the plot is, that if he keepsRead more
It’s not clear to me: who is the main character?? The voyeur or the burglar?
And it’s not clear to me what the story is about.??Is her objective goal?to set up him with the girl of his dreams?? Is his objective goal to keep quiet about her crimes?? That’s it, that’s what the plot is, that if he keeps quiet, he’ll get laid?
I find the more interesting character and throughline to be that of a female law student who resorts to burglary to pay her way through Harvard? or Yale — take your pick as long as it’s one of the two most prestigious and expensive law schools in the country.??
The boyfriend finding out is a side show plot thread, a complication that could set up some sort of “B” story, Odd Couple relationship.? And if he’s going to be a voyeur than his penchant needs to tie into the main story thread in some way.? Like, he only agrees to keep silent if he can want watch her at work, see her pull off her jobs.
As socially unacceptable as both of their behaviors may be, she is more interesting because she is proactive, taking greater risks than he is. In comparison, he’s a passive wimp.
Further to increase audience sympathy and acceptance of her crimes, i I suggest that she only targets the residences of the filthy rich. She’s a modern day, female version of Robin Hood. Could she steal not only to pay for her education, but that of other deserving poor students? And the residences of the rich are better protected (security alarms, etc.) which increase both the risk (dramatic tension) and demonstrate just how good she is — has to be.
Again,? in contrast, what can be done with him to get the audience to emotionally engage with being a peeping tom?
fwiw
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