1. Posted: August 12, 2017In:

    When a 17 year old?s father is imprisoned she must outwit cops and criminals to get him out, whilst fooling social services into believing she can raise a previously estranged 11 year old brother.

    dpg Singularity

    I agree with the Dkpough's structural assessment of the logline; to wit, that it proposes 2 objective goals instead of 1. ?Plots should be driven by one ?over arching objective goal. ?Which is it in this case? ?To free her father or outwit social services? And if her primary objective goal is to freRead more

    I agree with the Dkpough’s structural assessment of the logline; to wit, that it proposes 2 objective goals instead of 1. ?Plots should be driven by one ?over arching objective goal. ?Which is it in this case? ?To free her father or outwit social services?

    And if her primary objective goal is to free her father, does he deserve to be freed? ?(This revised version of your earlier idea doesn’t say his incarceration is undeserved.) Is that an objective a film audience will want to see her attain?

    That said, I think there is a potentially compelling story about a teenager struggling to keep her family together and raise her brother after her father is incarcerated. ?But that doesn’t seem to be the primary story you want to tell.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: August 9, 2017In:

    This is an idea I’ve had for a while for a short film: After a depressed alien calls into a radio show and threatens to destroy the city, the host, a suicidal middle aged woman, must talk down the alien and prevent mass destruction.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>The alien convinces her. In the space of a short film?? ?And then she has to convince him not to follow through??? Since it's ?a comedy, may it should be a running gag that she doesn't believe he's who he is and therefore doesn't believe the threat is credible, And since it's a comedy, ?Read more

    >>>The alien convinces her.

    In the space of a short film?? ?And then she has to convince him not to follow through???

    Since it’s ?a comedy, may it should be a running gag that she doesn’t believe he’s who he is and therefore doesn’t believe the threat is credible,

    And since it’s a comedy, ?there could be a flip in roles where he ends up talking her out of suicide.

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: August 9, 2017In:

    During WW2, in occupied France, a former underdog cyclist working for the Resistance must compete in a national race organized by the Nazis to secretly carry out a vital microfilm to the Allied Forces at the Spanish border.

    dpg Singularity

    Francis_Bibeau:Yes, alcoholism is something of a too tried and true trope. ?For good reason: it's a common problem. But there are other possibilities.For instance, I like the idea about his motivation for cycling. How old is he anyway? ?It occurred to me he could be an embittered, emotionally scarreRead more

    Francis_Bibeau:

    Yes, alcoholism is something of a too tried and true trope. ?For good reason: it’s a common problem. But there are other possibilities.

    For instance, I like the idea about his motivation for cycling. How old is he anyway? ?It occurred to me he could be an embittered, emotionally scarred vet (shell shock, PTSD) of the Great War which puts him in his mid-40’s. ?And bicycling is not just his passion, it is his therapy.

    Have you thought about layering in a ?”B” story???Maybe, come to find out, his contact is his ex-lover who is working for the Resistance in Spain. ? ?Could be any number of back stories to explain the history of their relationship. ?The point is it would make for some good Act 3 scenes when they finally reunite.

    And to see her again could be the reason he agrees to race. ?After he refuses the “Call” in Act 1 to join the race — initially refusing the call is standard operating procedure in drama — he finally agrees when he is informed who his contact will be.

    Anyway, I think you have a lot of raw material to work with, an abundance of interesting dramatic choices. ?Good luck with your writing.

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