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When an anxious recluse agrees to take his cancer-fighting friend on one last adventure, he doesn?t bank on having his beliefs, loyalties and survival skills challenged when she falls fatally ill.
Yes, at 61 words it is way too long for a logline.Also: "... he doesn?t bank on having his beliefs, loyalties and survival skills challenged..." is ?equivalent to the "lesson learned" aspect of the story. ?The "lesson learned" pertains to the subjective psychological arc of the character.Well, havinRead more
Yes, at 61 words it is way too long for a logline.
Also: “… he doesn?t bank on having his beliefs, loyalties and survival skills challenged…” is ?equivalent to the “lesson learned” aspect of the story. ?The “lesson learned” pertains to the subjective psychological arc of the character.
Well, having a subjective arc is story is certainly an important element, but loglines are not about subjective character arcs. ? The subjective arc is what occurs unintentionally as a result of the character’s intentional struggle toward an objective goal. ?And a logline focuses on the intentional — not the unintentional.
More to the point, film is a visual medium and a ?logline is a statement about key elements of the story that can be visualized: ?a ?protagonist, a struggle, a goal, an antagonist and/or opposition. ?(What’s the visual ?for “beliefs and loyalties”?)
A logline should be written as if movies were still in the silent era, as if the story has to be told through visual images — people, props and action — with no dialogue and only a few title cards.
See lessConfined to her apt complex during a CDC quarentine Briona must find a way for her father and her lovers not to kill each other.
The story has 2 distinct dramatic problems:There's a flu epidemic raging. A father wants to kill his daughter's lovers.Either one could set up a story line for a movie plot. ?But trying to combine them into one movie seems to over complicate the story line. ?It feels contrived. ?Complication for theRead more
The story has 2 distinct dramatic problems:
There’s a flu epidemic raging.
A father wants to kill his daughter’s lovers.
Either one could set up a story line for a movie plot. ?But trying to combine them into one movie seems to over complicate the story line. ?It feels contrived. ?Complication for the sake of complication without a clear causal relationship between the two dramatic problems.
Further, the logline seems to confuse a complicating incident for an inciting incident.
There is no obvious cause-and-effect relationship between epidemic/quarantine and the father’s murderous intent. ?Because the father would want to kill her lovers even if there was no epidemic, right? ?Because isn’t the cause of his anger is his discovery of her sex life which offends his morality (I presume)?
?The epidemic is a complication, but it is ?not a cause. ?So, it’s not the inciting incident. ?
What is the real inciting incident that triggers her father’s murderous rage? ?Whatever it is, that is what should lead off the logline.
?
See lessWhen a neglected housewife discovers that the nest will be empty sooner than she had planned, she follows her daughter to the beach for the summer in an effort to save their last few months together, quickly realizing she has a lot to learn about their relationship, her marriage and herself.
Bfink:In addition to the above I see one other thing that could strengthen the logline's appeal: ?a strong hook."Follows her daughter to the beach" -- how unique, how exciting is that to watch?On the other hand, what if the daughter wants to go to the beach, but ?her mother cajoles and finally bribeRead more
Bfink:
In addition to the above I see one other thing that could strengthen the logline’s appeal: ?a strong hook.
“Follows her daughter to the beach” — how unique, how exciting is that to watch?
On the other hand, what if the daughter wants to go to the beach, but ?her mother cajoles and finally bribes — pays her — to join her in hiking the Appalachian trail?
Or biking up the Pacific Coast Highway? ?Or biking the the C&O Canal and Great Allegheny Gap from Washington DC to Pittsburgh?
Or your mom’s solution to her midlife crisis is to buy a Harley — or requistion her soon to be ex’s beloved Harley — ?and drive across country to the Sturgis, South Dakota motorcycle rally.
(I’m assuming you’re from the US of A. If not, replace with some local travel routes in your own country.)
Her subjective need is her last chance to bond with her daughter, repair the wounds inflicted by her failing (or failed?) marriage. ?Her objective goal is reach the destination implied in the Odyssey.
I’m just throwing out ideas. ?My point is build the story around the hook of an interesting journey the audience will want to go along to enjoy the scenery and see how it ends.
fwiw
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