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  1. Posted: June 28, 2017In: Action

    A trio of drag queens orchestrate a prison break to rescue their transgender roommate after she is wrongly incarcerated in a men’s facility.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 28, 2017 at 12:53 pm

    Other than as a comedy of errors, I am having a hard time understanding, hence, buying into the premise.How does a transgender woman (a person who was born a biological male and underwent the surgery and hormones to transition to female) end up in a male prison? ?Wouldn't she do her time in a femaleRead more

    Other than as a comedy of errors, I am having a hard time understanding, hence, buying into the premise.

    How does a transgender woman (a person who was born a biological male and underwent the surgery and hormones to transition to female) end up in a male prison? ?Wouldn’t she do her time in a female prison (albeit maybe in a segregated unit for transgenders)?

    And how do 3 drag queens end up in a — well, what prison are they in, for men or for women?

    Isn’t it standard procedure for drag queens to do their time in male prisons (because biologically they are males) — but in cells and units where they are segregated from the straight prison population.

    So, if the drag queens are in a male prison, and the transgender is in a male prison — why aren’t they all in the same prison?

    Even if, the transgender did end up in a male prison, she would be segregated from the straight population because ?that’s standard procedure. ?So what’s the danger that she needs to be rescued from — above and beyond the usual risks gay, drag and transgender people face in prison?

    Again, other than as a comedy of errors, I don’t understand the backstory that created the mixup.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: June 27, 2017In: War

    Three genetically engineered soldiers must face discrimination as they struggle to find the kidnapped members of their squad.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 28, 2017 at 8:27 am

    The hook of the logline is that the soldiers are genetically engineered. ?The headline for the story is not that they face discrimination (that's a complication, a sidebar issue) but the struggle to find their kidnapped DNA-tweaked comrades.So build the logline on the hook and on the headline. ?SaveRead more

    The hook of the logline is that the soldiers are genetically engineered. ?The headline for the story is not that they face discrimination (that’s a complication, a sidebar issue) but the struggle to find their kidnapped DNA-tweaked comrades.

    So build the logline on the hook and on the headline. ?Save the sidebar issue for the script proper.

    Whose is the antagonist, the bad guy (or gal) responsible for the kidnapping? ?What are the stakes? ?What is lost or suffered if they fail? ?Is there a ticking clock?

    Finally the logline might benefit by focusing on the leader of the trio, the alpha character; frame the logline in terms of the protagonist.

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  3. Posted: June 27, 2017In: Action

    A daughter struggling to come to terms with her Father’s death discovers a dangerous secret. Attracting the attention of government, and forcing her family to flee the country.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 27, 2017 at 9:18 pm

    Agree with Richiev. ?Don't hide the game ball.

    Agree with Richiev. ?Don’t hide the game ball.

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