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  1. Posted: May 31, 2017In: Western

    An aged bounty hunter returns to town to pay respects to his deceased son, but makes himself a target when he offers to pay his son’s debt owed to his son’s murderers.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 31, 2017 at 6:07 am

    Who is targeting him for death? ?Who is the antagonist? And why is the antagonist offended by the offer to pay off the debt?Riffing off Dkpough1's excellent advice in another thread, what would a logline for this story look like written from the antagonist's pov?

    Who is targeting him for death? ?Who is the antagonist? And why is the antagonist offended by the offer to pay off the debt?

    Riffing off Dkpough1’s excellent advice in another thread, what would a logline for this story look like written from the antagonist’s pov?

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  2. Posted: May 30, 2017In: Thriller

    Imprisoned in an apartment with a complete stranger, an idealist twenty-something has to find a way to save herself and the world population from the secret organization holding her captive.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 31, 2017 at 6:00 am

    So she's breeding stock?>>>She is supposed to be the girl who will form a relationship...Why her? ?What makes her so special? ?Says who? ?Who has determined this is her fate whether she likes it or not?Who is leading the organization? ?Who is the designated alpha-antagonist?And how do theyRead more

    So she’s breeding stock?

    >>>She is supposed to be the girl who will form a relationship…

    Why her? ?What makes her so special? ?Says who? ?Who has determined this is her fate whether she likes it or not?

    Who is leading the organization? ?Who is the designated alpha-antagonist?

    And how do they plan to exterminate 6 billion+ people?

    It seems to me that the story hook is the exact nature of the conspiracy; to wit, exterminate most of humanity, start over. ?But the original logline buries the hook instead of dangling it before a logline reader enticing her to bite — to read the script, find out what happens next.

    Dig up the story?hook and dangle it before our eyes.

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: May 30, 2017In: Thriller

    Imprisoned in an apartment with a complete stranger, an idealist twenty-something has to find a way to save herself and the world population from the secret organization holding her captive.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 31, 2017 at 5:02 am

    As Dkpough1 said. ? Save the world from what? ? ?What threat does this cabal pose? The logline needs to specify the nature of the danger to the world, what's at stake if she fails.

    As Dkpough1 said. ? Save the world from what? ? ?What threat does this cabal pose? The logline needs to specify the nature of the danger to the world, what’s at stake if she fails.

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