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  1. Posted: May 10, 2017In: Sports

    A disgraced golf prodigy, scratching out a living hustling lessons, fights for the comeback of a lifetime to prove to his son, a gifted guitarist, that he is not a failure, and to keep his fractured family together.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 11, 2017 at 1:12 am

    In the backstory, the dad promises the mom on her death bed that he will always put his son first.Then, comes the inciting incident.A decade later, desperate to keep his smothered teenaged son, a gifted guitarist, from leaving him, father and son make a deal: the father will try for the comeback ofRead more

    In the backstory, the dad promises the mom on her death bed that he will always put his son first.

    Then, comes the inciting incident.

    A decade later, desperate to keep his smothered teenaged son, a gifted guitarist, from leaving him, father and son make a deal: the father will try for the comeback of a lifetime if the son agrees to be his caddy for the summer,

    Wait a minute. ?Isn’t this breaking his vow to always put his son first? ?Also, what’s so wrong with the son wanting to leave home? ?Isn’t that what children are supposed to do, grow up, get their wings and fly off from the nest? ?And isn’t that what parents are supposed to do, not only let them fly away, but prepare them to do so?

    A movie audience can only buy into the action, the plot, if they also buy into the motivation intrinsic in the inciting incident. ?And I’m having trouble with the motivation. ?The father seems to be breaking his vow, holding his gifted son back ?from his own future for purely selfish reasons.. ?And what’s in it for the son that he would agree to postpone his future in order to satisfy his father’s own narcissistic cause?

    As I understand the concept, I can’t buy into, can’t accept the father’s motivation — it’s not a reason for me to root for him. ?Rather, it’s a reason for me to root against the father. ?He wants to recapture his past even if it means manipulating his son into renouncing his future.

    Who’s the target audience for this story? ?Are young adults going to want to watch a movie about a father who’s holding back, “smoothering”, ?his son? ?Are parents going to accept the father’s me-first , son-second attitude?

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  2. Posted: May 10, 2017In: Drama

    A desperate, talented rocker strikes a deal with someone worse than the devil: her father, in a last effort attempt to keep her rock star dreams alive.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 10, 2017 at 11:13 pm

    Agree with the others. ?The hook of the story might be in what the deal with the devil is. ?But we can only guess that the substance of that deal ?is. ?We shouldn't have to guess. ?A hook only works when it's clearly dangled out there as a inducement to read the script.

    Agree with the others. ?The hook of the story might be in what the deal with the devil is. ?But we can only guess that the substance of that deal ?is. ?We shouldn’t have to guess. ?A hook only works when it’s clearly dangled out there as a inducement to read the script.

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  3. Posted: April 30, 2017In: Examples

    A charismatic young white supremacist goes to prison, where hard experience teaches him the error of his ways. When released, he resolves to leave his former life behind — but finds to his horror that it may be too late to save his kid brother from repeating his mistakes.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 9, 2017 at 10:04 pm

    After re-viewing the movie, "American History X", ?and untangling the story line, all the flashbacks and V.O. narrative, I stand by my logline. ? To wit:After being released from prison, an ex neo-Nazi skinhead tries to prevent his younger brother from taking the same wrong path he did.Although theRead more

    After re-viewing the movie, “American History X”, ?and untangling the story line, all the flashbacks and V.O. narrative, I stand by my logline. ? To wit:

    After being released from prison, an ex neo-Nazi skinhead tries to prevent his younger brother from taking the same wrong path he did.

    Although the movie opens with the predicament of the kid brother, ?Danny, he is not the protagonist. ? The kid brother is the stake character and concurrently the point of view character. ?He’s the stake character because everyone else is trying to influence him, to win his soul. ?His older brother and his teacher are trying to divert him away from the neo-Nazi gang; while the gang leader is trying to seduce him into a deeper commitment.

    The protagonist is the older brother, Derek, because:

    1] He is the most proactive character in the film; his actions drive the story. ?For worse, and then better, his personality and actions constitute the strongest influence on the life of his brother.

    2] He has a concrete objective goal and that goal drives the plot. ?He commences the pursuit of his goal with the inciting incident, his release from prison.

    3] He is the character with the strongest character arc. ?While in prison, he does a complete reversal, a complete 180 of his belief system and behavior. ?In contrast, his brother resists, then vacillates, ?then begins to reverse his life course (because, again, of the influence of his brother), and then just when it looks like he may have come around to his older brother’s point of view…

    fwiw

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