1. Posted: April 5, 2017In:

    A space explorer leads an expedition after believing to have discovered paradise which gradually descends into madness.

    dpg Singularity

    The goal is obvious enough to me (although the wording may need a polish): ?he's Moses-in-outer-space leading his crew to ?a better world, to an alluring paradise.But is it the real deal, or only a mirage? ?Is the descent into madness the result of pursuing a delusion?I sense some interesting raw orRead more

    The goal is obvious enough to me (although the wording may need a polish): ?he’s Moses-in-outer-space leading his crew to ?a better world, to an alluring paradise.

    But is it the real deal, or only a mirage? ?Is the descent into madness the result of pursuing a delusion?

    I sense some interesting raw ore for a psycho-drama, but I think the concept needs refining.

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  2. Posted: April 5, 2017In:

    Two gay couple face religious governmental charges for being gay in a third world country and their sentence is death by stoning, but both believe there is a way out.

    dpg Singularity

    I agree that the logline needs a goal, but I don't see why the logline needs to single out one character over another. ?The story is about a couple ?fighting for their relationship, for love. They are equal participants in the struggle, equal stakeholders in the outcome.Just as in "Brokeback MountaiRead more

    I agree that the logline needs a goal, but I don’t see why the logline needs to single out one character over another. ?The story is about a couple ?fighting for their relationship, for love. They are equal participants in the struggle, equal stakeholders in the outcome.

    Just as in “Brokeback Mountain”, the two gay cowboys are equal participants and equal stake holders in their struggle to define their relationship in the homophobic culture of the rural West.

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  3. Posted: April 3, 2017In:

    When her male colleagues wager on her best friend’s chastity, a woman remains silent; when the bet ends in rape, she seeks redemption through vengeance.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    I agree with Dkpough1 that the logline needs to translate "want" into a specific "do" because that's what a plot is about. It's not enough for a logline to say what a character wants; a logline must say what the character must do to get what he wants.And both Dkpough1 and I believe that the most criRead more

    I agree with Dkpough1 that the logline needs to translate “want” into a specific “do” because that’s what a plot is about. It’s not enough for a logline to say what a character wants; a logline must say what the character must do to get what he wants.

    And both Dkpough1 and I believe that the most critical ingredient for an effective logline (that is, one that gets people to read the script) is a strong hook.

    Alas, I think Dkpough1’s suggested version obscures the hook. And the hook for me is the character arc. How her struggle to get justice transmorgifies into a plot to get revenge.

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