1. Posted: March 18, 2017In:

    When an affair leads a recluse yachtsman and cameo actress to discover one another career tramps they team up to fleece the jet set but recluses ex returns to love and revenge as an IRS sting – SuperTramps

    dpg Singularity

    You've got two characters. ?You've got a relationship. You've got a discovery. ?And you've got a hook -- the duo are living the life (and lie) as super tramps, flying beggars.?You've got many of the basic ingredients for a good logline and script --but not all. And also lacking is the recipe ?that cRead more

    You’ve got two characters. ?You’ve got a relationship. You’ve got a discovery. ?And you’ve got a hook — the duo are living the life (and lie) as super tramps, flying beggars.?

    You’ve got many of the basic ingredients for a good logline and script –but not all. And also lacking is the recipe ?that combines them all together? Which is to say, the logline lacks a plot.

    So, exactly what is “the tangle” they get into? ? As a result of the relationship and the discovery, what becomes their mutual objective goal? Who/what opposes them? ?What’s are the stakes?

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  2. Posted: March 18, 2017In:

    When a strange new man enters his irresponsible mother’s life, and his father returns from rehab, a teenage boy’s life is rocked to its core as he deals with a traumatic and violent event in his past and coming to terms with his complicated sexuality.

    dpg Singularity

    There is obviously a lot of dramatic potential in this logline. ?And ?it is appropriately described as a coming of age story.However, it seems to me this version of the logline buries the lead, the hook. ?The lead, the hook is "he deals with a traumatic and violent event in his past and coming to teRead more

    There is obviously a lot of dramatic potential in this logline. ?And ?it is appropriately described as a coming of age story.

    However, it seems to me this version of the logline buries the lead, the hook. ?The lead, the hook is “he deals with a traumatic and violent event in his past and coming to terms with his complicated sexuality.”

    And to mash metaphors, the logline also hides the ball: “a violent and traumatic past” can mean anything and everything and so means nothing in terms of explaining how the new man in his mother’s life constitutes an inciting incident, how there is cause and effect between that event and his life being “rocked to the core” — and again, that’s hiding the game ball. “Rocked to the core” can mean anything and everything and so means nothing to a logline reader.

    Finally, the logline presents the teenager as a 100% victim of circumstances; he is besieged from without by grownups and besieged, seemingly betrayed, from within by his biology. ?That’s great! ?Compelling raw material for a ?coming of age story.

    But, alas, it offers no clue, no suggestion of what he struggles do about it.

    IOW: the logline sets up a problematical ?situation ; now it needs to delineate a plot. ?A plot?is a narrative arranged in a causal sequence of events wherein a protagonist struggles for an objective goal. In conventional drama, a protagonist is someone who when handed a bag of lemons, struggles to squeeze lemonade out of them.

    As a result of finding himself in this complicated situation, what becomes the teenage boy’s objective goal? ?What does he decide to do about it? ?What becomes his m.o. to squeeze lemonade out of these lemons?

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: March 18, 2017In:

    A cash strapped hit-woman, must confront the demons of her past, while juggling the bone crunching world of professional hits and the guardianship of her deceased sisters kids.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    "Demons of her past" is a cliche. It's a vague trope that can mean anything and everything. ?The past problem haunting her in the present needs to be spelled out.And it must trigger a specific objective goal in the future to resolve the problem from the past. (A logline is a summary of a plot. A ploRead more

    “Demons of her past” is a cliche. It’s a vague trope that can mean anything and everything. ?The past problem haunting her in the present needs to be spelled out.

    And it must trigger a specific objective goal in the future to resolve the problem from the past. (A logline is a summary of a plot. A plot is a goal-oriented narrative arranged in a causal sequence of events. ?No goal, no plot. No plot, no effective logline.)

    So what is her objective goal? ?What are the stakes? ?What does she stand to suffer and/or lose if she fails to achieve that goal?

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