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A young na?ve soldier in love gets her leave denied but decides to go AWOL to fulfill her dying boyfriend’s wish only to find out that he has a more sinister plan behind those weary eyes.
Agree with Dkpough. ?Particularly on the hook. What's the hook that is intended to reel readers in, to make them want to read the script? ?Is it that she goes ?awol or his sinister plan.? I'm guessing it's the latter. ?If it is, "sinister plan" is ?vague; it doesn't provide enough bait on the hook tRead more
Agree with Dkpough. ?Particularly on the hook.
What’s the hook that is intended to reel readers in, to make them want to read the script? ?Is it that she goes ?awol or his sinister plan.? I’m guessing it’s the latter. ?If it is, “sinister plan” is ?vague; it doesn’t provide enough bait on the hook to reel readers in; ?they need something more specific, more substantial.
fwiw.
See lessThe hunter becomes the hunted when a woman lures her abusive husband into a death trap. (Short Script, 7pages)
>>>The logline has but a single purpose: to convey the most essential elements of your story concisely, imaginatively, and smoothly.That is the means to a logline's singular objective goal (yes, a logline, like a protagonist, should have an objective goal): sell the script, to make someoneRead more
>>>The logline has but a single purpose: to convey the most essential elements of your story concisely, imaginatively, and smoothly.
That is the means to a logline’s singular objective goal (yes, a logline, like a protagonist, should have an objective goal): sell the script, to make someone want to read the script.
The ?”Formula” resource on the web site summarizes what the “essential elements” are.
All formulas, all rules have exceptions and variations, but the general formula works for most plots, most of the time.
>>>conflict in it, which would be the stakes
The stakes are what is to be gained or lost as a result of the conflict. ?Like a boxing match. ?Whoever wins the fight, wins the prize, the acclaim.
The stakes in this story are clear enough to me: ?she’s struggling for her freedom, freedom from the pain and humiliation of a chronically abusive husband. ?More than that, she’s fighting for her life, as she may justifiably fear he’ll eventually kill her.
See lessA family heirloom leads a successful businessman through dangerous Brazilian jungle to choose between revenge for his father?s death, and the truth that caused it.
>>>leads a successful businessman through dangerous Brazilian jungle In pursuit of what? ?What specific objective does he pursue that takes him into the jungles of South America? >>>choose between How is that a dilemma? Why can't he have both, truth and revenge?
>>>leads a successful businessman through dangerous Brazilian jungle
In pursuit of what? ?What specific objective does he pursue that takes him into the jungles of South America?
>>>choose between
How is that a dilemma? Why can’t he have both, truth and revenge?
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