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A snide vigilante with a super-elastic body is pestered by a reporter who insists that she fight against an emerging evil that is determined to conquer the world.
The reporter may play a critical sidekick/ally role in the story proper, but for the purpose of the logline he's an expendable extra. ?The supergal is the one character who matters in the logline; ?she's the character who has to sell the logline, not the reporter.??I suggest cutting him out of the lRead more
The reporter may play a critical sidekick/ally role in the story proper, but for the purpose of the logline he’s an expendable extra. ?The supergal is the one character who matters in the logline; ?she’s the character who has to sell the logline, not the reporter.??I suggest cutting him out of the logline; focus on the protagonist and her objective goal.
Also if the “cold war weapon” is a nuclear bomb, then say so. ?It’s the game ball; don’t hide it.
Also, why do the bad guys want to blow up the city? ?Just for the hell of it? ?Or are they threatening to use the weapon to get something, for extortion if their demands aren’t meant? ?And isn’t there a “ticking bomb”– a deadline to meet their demands? IOW: the logline would be strengthened if nature of the threat were less vague, more specific.
See lessA wannabe prep girl moves to a new Washington Town far away from home, and will do anything it takes to make it to the top of the social food chain, including murder.
As Dkpough1 said. And what does "Washington town" mean? ?A small town or the big city? Why should we care about this character? ?We certainly don't want her to commit murder. ?So what's the emotional hook that's going to draw us into the story and hold our attention? ?Is there something more than thRead more
As Dkpough1 said.
And what does “Washington town” mean? ?A small town or the big city?
Why should we care about this character? ?We certainly don’t want her to commit murder. ?So what’s the emotional hook that’s going to draw us into the story and hold our attention? ?Is there something more than the voyeur factor, watching someone get away with murder?
See less?A cop and his K-9 companion unintentionally hijack a billion dollar drug shipment from a ruthless cartel that will stop at nothing to get it back.
Your story seems to have a lot of moving parts, too many (obviously) to fit into a logline.So let's try the KISS approach (Keep It Simple Screenwriter). Every good logline needs to have a hook a feature that immediately (immediately as in a few words) grabs the reader's attention, makes him want toRead more
Your story seems to have a lot of moving parts, too many (obviously) to fit into a logline.
So let’s try the KISS approach (Keep It Simple Screenwriter). Every good logline needs to have a hook a feature that immediately (immediately as in a few words) grabs the reader’s attention, makes him want to know more — more than can be summarized in a logline. ?In other words, makes him want to read the script — the primary goal of a logline.
So what do you conceive to be the hook in this story?
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