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A snide vigilante with a super-elastic body is pestered by a reporter who insists that she fight against an emerging evil that is determined to conquer the world.
Who is the protagonist, the reporter or the gymnast?If it's the latter, then I suggest refocusing the logline with her in the spotlight.And I suggest reworking the logline with a strong incident that spurs her into action. Something stronger than a pep talk by a non-reporter.And in loglines, charactRead more
Who is the protagonist, the reporter or the gymnast?
If it’s the latter, then I suggest refocusing the logline with her in the spotlight.
And I suggest reworking the logline with a strong incident that spurs her into action. Something stronger than a pep talk by a non-reporter.
And in loglines, characters ?don’t ?”try” to do anything. They do. And the plot is a statement about what they do.
How does being a gymnast relate to her “destiny”? ?And what is her “destiny”, anyway? ?That”s vague, imprecise; it needs to be stated explicitly as a specific objective goal.
fwiw
See lessA depressed widow has to to give up her daughter for adoption to have a second chance at love.
>>I find that if she chooses the new love over her daughter she would lose my empathy and likely most of the audience as well.Agree with Nir Shelter. ?She's throwing under the bus a relationship based on giving love (that's what parents do) for one based on getting love. ?It's a selfish choiceRead more
>>I find that if she chooses the new love over her daughter she would lose my empathy and likely most of the audience as well.
Agree with Nir Shelter. ?She’s throwing under the bus a relationship based on giving love (that’s what parents do) for one based on getting love. ?It’s a selfish choice. Her depression may explain that choice, but it doesn’t justify it.
And if she’s adopting out her daughter because her love interest doesn’t want the baggage of the kid in their relationship — that just doubles the selfishness factor in the story line.
However, if the plot were to be about a woman who is struggling to rectify that selfish error, find and reconnect with her daughter — well then it would be a redemption story with a sympathetic character.
See less?A cop and his K-9 companion unintentionally hijack a billion dollar drug shipment from a ruthless cartel that will stop at nothing to get it back.
Come to think about it, as one who has been involved in drug seizures, I have to wonder about the time line. ?It's standard procedure for contraband to be transported to the police station and booked into property ASAP. ? ASAP ?meaning with all deliberate speed, ?within an hour or two after the seizRead more
Come to think about it, as one who has been involved in drug seizures, I have to wonder about the time line. ?It’s standard procedure for contraband to be transported to the police station and booked into property ASAP. ? ASAP ?meaning with all deliberate speed, ?within an hour or two after the seizure. To prevent just the scenario the logline outlines.
But if the cop has no intention of turning in the drugs, then Dkpough1 raises legitimate questions as to the integrity of the cop, his qualifications for being an admirable protagonist, one an audience would root for.
fwiw
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