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MISSLE: Limited fuel and the LAPD heat leave a severely disabled man just one night on his two- wheeled hand-built killing machine to seek and destroy the gang that brutally murdered his brother.
The logline buries the inciting incident when it is SOP is to lead off with it. ?Perhaps the idea is that the complications ("limited fuel and the LAPD heat leave a severely disabled man just one night on his two- wheeled hand-built killing machine") constitute ?the hook and , ergo, are better to leRead more
The logline buries the inciting incident when it is SOP is to lead off with it. ?Perhaps the idea is that the complications (“limited fuel and the LAPD heat leave a severely disabled man just one night on his two- wheeled hand-built killing machine”) constitute ?the hook and , ergo, are better to lead off with in order to differentiate it from ?other revenge plots. ?The logline seems to promise a non-stop, high speed, ?full bore, red line pursuit of revenge for revenge’s sake. ?The protagonist is chasing the gang as the cops (“LAPD heat”) chase him.
Well, there is a market for high octane, high testosterone driven stories.
I do have a concern about the story falling into the trap of ethnic stereotyping. ? I hope the protagonist is not another White dude going after another Black or Chicano or Asian gang.
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See lessA girl obsessed with UFO’s builds a small device to alert us, when the device goes off during a storm she encounters a strange figure.
Her dream to be an astronaut and her hassles with her dad seem to be backstory. ? What's the story here and now in the present tense of the plot? ?The trigger event is the manifestation of the "strange figure", right? ?If it is, what becomes ?her objective goal as a result? ?What is it that she sheRead more
Her dream to be an astronaut and her hassles with her dad seem to be backstory. ? What’s the story here and now in the present tense of the plot? ?The trigger event is the manifestation of the “strange figure”, right? ?If it is, what becomes ?her objective goal as a result? ?What is it that she she will either succeed or fail to achieve within?the time frame of the short?
See lessWhen he starts visualizing the desires of anyone he touches, a lovelorn but clueless teen has one week to win his true love before she leaves for college.
I agree with Dkpough1. I don't see the bidirectional?causal link between his visualizing and his goal. ??And I'm not sure what "visualizing the desires" means. We're talking about sexual desires, right? ?But whose. ?His sexual fantasies or the fantasies of everyone he comes into contact with?
I agree with Dkpough1.
I don’t see the bidirectional?causal link between his visualizing and his goal. ??And I’m not sure what “visualizing the desires” means. We’re talking about sexual desires, right? ?But whose. ?His sexual fantasies or the fantasies of everyone he comes into contact with?
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