1. Posted: February 16, 2017In:

    In order to get a job as a zookeeper, a former prostitute must convince the owners of an idyllic wildlife shelter to release their genetically valuable tiger to a questionable city zoo.

    dpg Singularity

    I suggest reshaping the logline in the form of a redemption story. ?She identifies with the tiger as a creature being abused/mistreated/exploited as she once was (that's could be the emotional hook/inciting incident for her ). ?Her objective goal becomes to save the tiger.Her implied subjective needRead more

    I suggest reshaping the logline in the form of a redemption story. ?She identifies with the tiger as a creature being abused/mistreated/exploited as she once was (that’s could be the emotional hook/inciting incident for her ). ?Her objective goal becomes to save the tiger.

    Her implied subjective need is to save/redeem herself, which she does by saving the tiger. ?And in the process, discovers her own “inner tiger”, her own strength and power to fight back for survival and a just cause.?

    Sorry, I don’t know enough about your intentions, that is, what the personal hook is for you — why you want to tell this story — to be more specific. Just tossing out what comes to mind. Hope it helps.

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  2. Posted: February 16, 2017In:

    In order to get a job as a zookeeper, a former prostitute must convince the owners of an idyllic wildlife shelter to release their genetically valuable tiger to a questionable city zoo.

    dpg Singularity

    Is there a meta-story story here, that the ex-prostitute's effort is, in effect, a ?salvage operation , an effort to rehabilitate and retool herself? ?(Otherwise, what's the point of her being an ex-prostitute?)

    Is there a meta-story story here, that the ex-prostitute’s effort is, in effect, a ?salvage operation , an effort to rehabilitate and retool herself? ?(Otherwise, what’s the point of her being an ex-prostitute?)

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  3. Posted: February 15, 2017In:

    A young Thomas Edison must win the top invention prize at the Worlds Fair to prove to his dream girl and her disapproving father that he is worthy before she marries a wealthy suitor.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    nouveaustudios, re:>>I think the hook is already embedded into the logline based on the fact that it?s a fictional love story about Edison.Here our pov's diverge. ?I would see it as a hook if it was at least "inspired by" real events in Edison's life. ?By, afik, it isn't. ?If my pov is an outlRead more

    nouveaustudios, re:

    >>I think the hook is already embedded into the logline based on the fact that it?s a fictional love story about Edison.

    Here our pov’s diverge. ?I would see it as a hook if it was at least “inspired by” real events in Edison’s life. ?By, afik, it isn’t. ?If my pov is an outlier, if it turns out that a fictional love story is the irresistible hook for the people who really matter, ?who give the green light and write the checks, I’ll will gladly acknowledge you have proved me wrong. ? But until then, we’ll just have to agree that we disagree.?That horse is now officially flogged to death, and I see no point in beating it further.

    >> Edison and another company did actually compete in a fierce competition during the 1893 Worlds Fair to light up the event.

    I was fully aware of that when I posted last night — but that’s 22 years after Edision 1st married, ?seven years after he remarried. Edison was a middle aged man by then. ?To be sure, a?certain elasticity with chronology is tolerated?– necessary — for the sake of dramatic needs. I’m doing it myself for some events in the script I’m writing, adjusting ?the chronology by weeks and months in a few scenes. But not years, certainly not decades.

    I have a 2nd question in my template about hooks: What is the hook in this story for you the writer? Why do you want to write a love story featuring Thomas Edison?

    This is not germane to the structure of the ?logline or script of course. But I ask it in order to apprehend what there is about the story that you find so appealing, so compelling. ? What do you see in Thomas Edison that I apparently do not?

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