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  1. Posted: January 10, 2017In: SciFi

    When his memories are stolen and his life backup file altered, a security analyst must use clues hidden within his back up memories to recover a missing 3 weeks of his past that are the key to stopping a devastating attack.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on January 10, 2017 at 2:04 pm

    Knightrider, ?I am always hooked by your takes on the theme of memories... but your inclination to embed them in conspiracies theories -- not so much.Okay, that's me.Be that as it may, doesn't the logline constitute a spoiler, giving away the Big Reveals, the whodunnit and why? ?IOW: initially ?isn'Read more

    Knightrider, ?I am always hooked by your takes on the theme of memories… but your inclination to embed them in conspiracies theories — not so much.

    Okay, that’s me.

    Be that as it may, doesn’t the logline constitute a spoiler, giving away the Big Reveals, the whodunnit and why? ?IOW: initially ?isn’t it the case that he doesn’t know who did it? ?So his ?objective goal is to recover his stolen memories which entails discovering ?who stole them and why?

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  2. Posted: January 10, 2017In: Thriller

    The lives of a fierce punk rock teen girl, a lunatic homeless assassin, and a long dead soldier intertwine in a tale of violence and redemption.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on January 10, 2017 at 6:38 am

    This reads more like a tagline, a teaser than a logline. A logline should be designed with specific elements to disclose specific information. ?If you have not done so, please consult the advice for building an industry standard logline under "Formula" at the top of the web page.

    This reads more like a tagline, a teaser than a logline.

    A logline should be designed with specific elements to disclose specific information. ?If you have not done so, please consult the advice for building an industry standard logline under “Formula” at the top of the web page.

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  3. Posted: January 10, 2017In: Thriller

    After killing a criminal cop who assaults her, an inner-city teen girl must fight to survive lethal retribution.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on January 10, 2017 at 6:17 am

    Isn't inner-city a code phrase for "Black"? ?Or "Latino" or... ?The ?story is about a provocative topic; I think the logline should be clear on her identity.And who, specifically, is seeking retribution? ?Who is her antagonist? ?What is his ethnic identity? ?Again in the context of this story, ?I thRead more

    Isn’t inner-city a code phrase for “Black”? ?Or “Latino” or… ?The ?story is about a provocative topic; I think the logline should be clear on her identity.

    And who, specifically, is seeking retribution? ?Who is her antagonist? ?What is his ethnic identity? ?Again in the context of this story, ?I think it is a need-to-know piece of information in order to clarify and highlight the drama.

    And while it could a superior, as suggested, it could just as well — better — be his partner. ? The bonds of brotherhood among cops who partner up is very real and very strong. ?Ergo, a partner would have stronger motivation to seek “street justice” than desk jockey.

    Finally, please do due diligence and research both sides. ?It’s too easy, too stereotypical to portray the avenging cop as a 100%, ?monochromatic, one-dimensional bad guy. ?Real police work , real cops are rarely that simplistic.

    More to the point: ?the story presses on such a super-hot button issue, it’s so topical, ?that right now I bet there are at least a hundred wannabe writers banging away on their keyboards with stories similar to yours. ?And dimes to dollars, most of them are going to make the easy and obvious choice of casting the antagonist as a stereotypical, one-dimensional bad guy-cop. ?Your story needs to stand out from the herd, provide a unique slant, genuine insight into the psychodynamics.

    It’s an important issue worthy of dramatic exploration, but I’m just saying.

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