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When her pack is stolen, a spirited Corinthian girl must reclaim it from thieves and the important letter within which she promised to deliver to Rome. (Possible script title: ‘Phoebe’)
Richiev:I suggest you consider working into the logline the religious/historical import of the letter because it's the story hook. ?What's at stake is the fate of an epistle from an apostle named Paul, that formulates fundamental doctrines of the early Christian faith and is destined to be one of thRead more
Richiev:
I suggest you consider working into the logline the religious/historical import of the letter because it’s the story hook. ?What’s at stake is the fate of an epistle from an apostle named Paul, that formulates fundamental doctrines of the early Christian faith and is destined to be one of the most critical books in the New Testament. ?It’s ?what makes the story significant, what makes the script stand out from the crowd, the mob of other scripts clamoring to be read.
There’s a market (in the U.S.) for stories with a religious aspect and producers looking for them. ?How are they going to find this script if ?the hook is hidden? ?
fwiw
See lessWhen her pack is stolen, a spirited Corinthian girl must reclaim it from thieves and the important letter within which she promised to deliver to Rome. (Possible script title: ‘Phoebe’)
Must reclaim it or else? ?What are the stakes? ? What happens if she fails? And in what time period is the story set?
Must reclaim it or else? ?What are the stakes? ? What happens if she fails?
And in what time period is the story set?
See lessAfter a special forces operative witnesses experiments on soldiers & prisoners, he abandons a promising military career & returns to the quiet life. But when a deadly outbreak reeks of government conspiracy & threatens his family, he jumps into the fight to expose the culprits & track down the cure.
While the logline has a clear inciting incident, most of the other elements are vaguely described.Like: "DC insider" ?What is that? A politician, a political advisor, a bureaucrat, a lobbyist, a reporter??The logline would benefit by being more specific on the describing the protagonist. ?And what dRead more
While the logline has a clear inciting incident, most of the other elements are vaguely described.
Like: “DC insider” ?What is that? A politician, a political advisor, a bureaucrat, a lobbyist, a reporter??The logline would benefit by being more specific on the describing the protagonist. ?And what does being a “DC insider” versus being a “DC outsider” have to do with his chances of survival? ?What is so special, of dramatic interest, that he operates within the Washington beltway?
And: “Struggling with his humanity…. how far will you go to survive”. ?When the plague breaks out, tens of millions of people will be struggling with their humanity, wrestling with the same general issue of survival. ?What is so special about his struggle that makes it of dramatic interest? ?As a result of the plague, what becomes the protagonist’s specific objective goal? What is his specific game plan to survive?
Finally, while a logline should implicitly raise a dramatic question, it is the convention for a logline to never explicitly state the question.
If you have not done so, please consult the “Training” ?option at the top of the web page for tips on building an industry acceptable logline.
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