dpg – Reviews – Page 871

Posted: September 21, 2016In: Examples

In 1924 two British runners, one a determined Jew, the other a devout Christian, race against each other for Olympic gold.

dpg Singularity

Added an answer on September 25, 2016 at 11:52 am

Nir:Good points, as usual. ?So what's the logline with Abrahams in the role of the (singular) protagonist?Of course, Abrahams has to defeat the Americans to win a gold medal. ?But the rivalry between Abrahams and Liddell is given far more screen time than that between Abrahams and Sholz.And AbrahamsRead more

Nir:

Good points, as usual. ?So what’s the logline with Abrahams in the role of the (singular) protagonist?

Of course, Abrahams has to defeat the Americans to win a gold medal. ?But the rivalry between Abrahams and Liddell is given far more screen time than that between Abrahams and Sholz.

And Abrahams and Liddell were supposed to run against each other again in Paris in the 100 meter trials. ?But when Liddell refused to run on Sunday, that showdown never occurred. ? Abrahams never got a chance to prove himself the faster man, head-to-head against Liddell. ?So the story sets up the prospect of a ?re-match — and then…

I agree that the story is framed around Abrahams. ?And why it had to be: ?1]His story thread has a “B” story, a love interest. 2] Abrahams life provides satisfactory closure. ?Liddell died in an internment camp in China at the close of WW 2. ?Abrahams doesn’t die until 1978 .

Logically I agree with you that Abrahams carries the “A” story. ?But emotionally, I ?feel that Liddell carries the “C” story, the spiritual theme. ?And I would argue that the “C” story, Liddell’s character and positive? motivation sold more tickets than Abraham’s negative motivation — the chip he carries on his shoulder — against anti-Semitic slights. ?And accounts for the movie’s enduring appeal.

(As real as the anti-Semitism was that Abrahams endures in the film, it’s ?subtle and not an obstacle; ?at the start of the film, he was gained entry into a premiere portal of privilege and power — Cambridge University — and there is never any serious threat to his being cast out because he’s a Jew.)

Anyway, ?I think the most important question on which we may diverge is: ?are there times where we can — we must — depart from the standard formula for a logline? ?The primary purpose of a logline is to market the script, get people interested in reading it. ?That purpose must determine the method.

Most of the time, 95%+, the standard logline formula ?is?the right method. ?But there are exceptions. ?And I think this may be one. ?If you can come up with a standard logline with Abrahams taking the spotlight that has an equivalent hook, great. ?But I can’t think of one.

And in my private rule book, ?if I have to choose between a logline with a great hook and one that is correctly formulated, I’ll opt for the one with the great hook. ?Every time.

Best of all, of course, is a standard logline with a great hook. ?(Easier said than done.)

fwiw

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Posted: February 26, 2016In: Drama

The true story of the militant suffrage leader imprisoned in 1917 for picketing the White House and given 48 hours to prove her sanity or be committed to an insane asylum.

dpg Singularity

Added an answer on September 25, 2016 at 9:52 am

Dkpough1:First of all, thanks for giving my logline a look-see.I'm (too) well aware of "Iron Jawed Angels". ?My script covers more events and is truer to historical facts. ?The truth of what really happened is stranger than the fiction of the HBO movie.As the interviews (there were 2) progressed ?AlRead more

Dkpough1:

First of all, thanks for giving my logline a look-see.

I’m (too) well aware of “Iron Jawed Angels”. ?My script covers more events and is truer to historical facts. ?The truth of what really happened is stranger than the fiction of the HBO movie.

As the interviews (there were 2) progressed ?Alice Paul came to realize that she was being examined for her sanity, not her health. ?But she clung to her convictions and refused to “play sane”, stop her hunger strike.?This is the decisive, pivotal moment in my plot. The stakes in those 48 hours are high, politically and personally: ?if she is committed, the militant wing of the suffrage movement is decapitated. ?And Alice Paul could be locked ?up, denied her freedom and her civil rights for months, for years.

I am all tool aware that my logline does not conform to the standard form. ?But I eschewed the standard form ?because of the very point you raise: ?most people are not aware of the climactic struggle for women’s suffrage in the United States. ?I concluded a by-the-formula logline won’t do the job. ?I gotta dangle a hook and the most alluring hook I can think of is that they tried to get her declared insane. ?Hopefully, it is alluring enough to get readers to bite, read the script.

I’m always tweaking the logline. ?Here’s one alternate version:

The true story of the woman imprisoned in 1917 for defying President Woodrow Wilson and committed to the?insane ward for the “insane” demand that women be given the right to vote.
(32 words)

Better? ?Worse?

[Clarification: ?that version is technically true. ?When Alice Paul went on a hunger strike, she was moved to the “cooler” of the insane ward in the (local) DC jail. ?But after she had served her sentence for picketing the White House, they would have to release her. ?So they conspired to commit her to the “deep freeze” of the federal asylum, St. Elizabeths. ?Given the laws for involuntary commitment in those days, she could have been deprived of her freedom for, well, who knows how long.]

>>However, anyone who would be interested in producing this script would probably at least have a passing knowledge of these events.

The news hook is the upcoming centennial ?in 2020 of the ratification of 19th amendment to the U.S. Constitution giving women the right to vote. ?And if Hillary Clinton becomes the 1st woman elected President of the United States — well, that’s a bonus news hook. She?would be a capstone, an historical denouement of Alice Paul’s struggle and suffering

I greatly appreciate your feedback. ? You’re right that most people aren’t aware of Alice Paul, and know little or less about the suffrage struggle. That’s ?the primary obstacle to be overcome and for the purposes of the logline. ?I see no remedy but to bait the hook with the most dramatic, “It really happened folks” chapter in Alice Paul’s struggle.

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