1. Posted: July 24, 2016In:

    After becoming immune to their technology that predicts and alters our choices, a young woman must stop a secret society’s twisted plan for humanity’s future.

    dpg Singularity

    Hmm. I preferred the earlier version because it places the protagonist in a greater quandary. ?The protagonist is caught between the horns of an interesting ethical dilemma. ? This, however, is a more conventional ?bad guys versus good gal story.Also, I don't know why they would need to alter behaviRead more

    Hmm. I preferred the earlier version because it places the protagonist in a greater quandary. ?The protagonist is caught between the horns of an interesting ethical dilemma. ? This, however, is a more conventional ?bad guys versus good gal story.

    Also, I don’t know why they would need to alter behavior. ?First of all, that grants the bad guys two extra-ordinary powers, ?prescience and omnipotence, that the story is now burdened to explain. 1] How do they foresee the future? 2] How can they manipulate behavior? And 3] what makes?her so special as to be immune?

    Also, as every stock investor knows, you don’t need to be able to manipulate a market to benefit. ?If you know where the market is going, you can bet either long or short with equal profitability. ?Ditto with sports games, the lottery.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: July 24, 2016In:

    After a street-wise prostitute agrees to provide a cold-hearted businessman with a week of ‘professional’ companionship, she must struggle to prevent their business relationship from turning into love.

    dpg Singularity

    I'm not satisfied with the logline I posted. ?I could have just as well posted a version with the business man as the protagonist, like:A cold-hearted businessman falls in love with a street-wise prostitute after hiring her for a week of 'professional' companionship. (19 words)It doesn't exactly conRead more

    I’m not satisfied with the logline I posted. ?I could have just as well posted a version with the business man as the protagonist, like:

    A cold-hearted businessman falls in love with a street-wise prostitute after hiring her for a week of ‘professional’ companionship.
    (19 words)

    It doesn’t exactly conform to the standard logline paradigm, but it gets the job done. ?Emotional complications ensue as a result of his original objective goal which?was a business arrangement; he?hires her for a week as his escort. An business affair turns into an affair of the heart.

    Or I could write a logline with co-protagonists:

    A strictly business deal between a street-wise prostitute and a cold-hearted businessman for a week of ‘professional’ companionship goes awry when their business relationship turns into love.
    (27 words)

    Their initial objective goal was to have strictly business arrangement; ?he pays her for a week of companionship (with all the benefits). ?Emotional complications ensue that threaten the objective goal.

    While the reason the businessman is in town and employs her services– to close a big business deal– could be construed as the “A” story, the relationship between the businessman and the prostitute is the heart and soul of the story. ?It’s the story hook that got the movie made.

    And movie viewers didn’t shell out nearly ?half a billion U.S. dollars world-wide to watch him struggle to close the business deal. ?Who cared if he succeeded or failed?

    What everyone cared about was the outcome of the original objective goal in terms of their relationship. ?And everyone was rooting for them to “fail” totally, completely. ?And live happily ever after.

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  3. Posted: July 23, 2016In:

    Gault, an ageing Ulster policeman, is wrongly accused of the death of a colleague. The British State conspires against him to protect an agent. The love of his life saves him.

    dpg Singularity

    I think the concept in the logline has potential, but it needs polishing and clarification. Two of the standard rules of a logline are : 1) Do not name the character. ?Character traits, yes; character names, no. So "Gault" needs to be excised. 2) Never, ever give away the ending. ?So "the love of hiRead more

    I think the concept in the logline has potential, but it needs polishing and clarification.

    Two of the standard rules of a logline are :

    1) Do not name the character. ?Character traits, yes; character names, no. So “Gault” needs to be excised.

    2) Never, ever give away the ending. ?So “the love of his life saves him” should also be excised. ?Of course, ?the logline doesn’t say how she saves him — read the script, see the film — and, of course, most films have a happy ending. ?Still, a logline should contain no spoilers in terms of the final outcome.

    A logline should clearly indicate who the protagonist is. ?But I am not sure in this logline. ?Who is the protagonist, the policeman or the love interest? ?I presume the inciting incident is the false accusation. ?So when an ageing Ulster policeman is wrongly accused of the death of a fellow policeman, who [the protagonist] must do what [the objective goal]? ?And what is at stake if the policeman stand to lose? ?His job? ?His pension (since “ageing” suggests he’s nearing retirement)? ? His life?

    fwiw

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