1. Posted: July 5, 2016In:

    An arrogant, popular high school bully discovers ? but can?t control ? strengthening-yet-unpredictable powers and is branded an outcast which compels him to work with a coven of gay and lesbian teen witches to uncover a conspiracy that threatens their town.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>How would you describe Superman?s and Spider-Man?s superpowers in a logline?Don't have to because they are well-known characters based on popular comic strip heroes that have been parlayed into lucrative film franchises.Your character is an unknown. ?To get your script read, ?you have toRead more

    >>>How would you describe Superman?s and Spider-Man?s superpowers in a logline?

    Don’t have to because they are well-known characters based on popular comic strip heroes that have been parlayed into lucrative film franchises.

    Your character is an unknown. ?To get your script read, ?you have to describe his superpowers ?– what differentiates him from other super heroes. ?

    And you are writing this as an origin story for a franchise, aren’t you? ?(If you aren’t, you should be. Because scripts with franchise potential are easier to sell.)

    And to sell your script, the character needs to be proactive, in the drivers seat of the plot. ?That means the coven doesn’t enlist his help to defeat the conspiracy. ?He discovers the conspiracy and enlists their help. ?As currently written, your logline suggests that this potential super hero, in spite of his undefined superpowers, is utterly clueless about the conspiracy.

    I’m not saying he should be in complete control of his abilities from the FADE IN. ?But the logline has to suggest latent potential. ? And the way to do that is he discovers the conspiracy because of his superpowers. ?Of course, no normal person believes him. ?So he enlists the coven as allies, and struggles to master his superpower in time to defeat the conspiracy.

    fwiw

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: July 6, 2016In:

    A bipolar divorcee blackmails a self-absorbed family man to keep their affair alive and reignite her sex drive when he suddenly disowns her.

    dpg Singularity

    Agree with Nir Shelter. ?Just because she's bipolar doesn't automatically confer sympathy. ?It might explain her behavior -- although I think borderline personality disorder might be a better descriptor for her behavior-- but it doesn't justify it. More importantly, ?the ?mentally disordered woman hRead more

    Agree with Nir Shelter. ?Just because she’s bipolar doesn’t automatically confer sympathy. ?It might explain her behavior — although I think borderline personality disorder might be a better descriptor for her behavior– but it doesn’t justify it.

    More importantly, ?the ?mentally disordered woman has to measure up to ?Alex in “Fatal Attraction”. ? And the stakes have to be as high as in that movie — not merely embarrassment and shame over being outed — but a matter of life or death. ?And in that film, the husband is the protagonist. Alex, the one-night stand who turns into a nightmare, is his nemesis.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: July 6, 2016In:

    An amateur actress at a haunted house attraction struggles with her decision to stay at the job she loves while trying to get over a guy who isn’t easy to get over..

    dpg Singularity

    One way to reduce the verbosity would be to cut out all references to "quarter life crisis"; avoid psychobabble. ?Just describe the crisis, ?don't tag it, the decisions she faces (which is, after all,what the generic definition of crisis is: a decision point in the plot).You describe her as an actreRead more

    One way to reduce the verbosity would be to cut out all references to “quarter life crisis”; avoid psychobabble. ?Just describe the crisis, ?don’t tag it, the decisions she faces (which is, after all,what the generic definition of crisis is: a decision point in the plot).

    You describe her as an actress. ?Well, isn’t that a clue as to what her objective goal ought to be? ? She wants to break into show business, right? ?Isn’t that her Biggest Dream? ?Ergo, the romance would be a complication that threatens to deflect her from her Biggest Dream.

    The romance creates a dilemma where she has to choose between her objective goal, a ?career in show business, and her subjective need for love.?This is a tried-and-true, boilerplate dilemma in stories about people struggling to make it in show business. ?A hoary dilemma in stories about women trying to establish a professional career. ?What is new and different about the dilemma she faces in this story? ?How does working in the haunted house threaten her struggle to attain her Biggest Dream?

    fwiw

    See less
    • 0