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Twins find themselves on opposing sides of an alien run government conspiracy that threatens to change humanity. While one brother carries out their plans and rises to the presidency, the other wages a war to stop him before it’s too late.
It seems to me that the hook of the story is the rivalry of twins (identical, right, not fraternal?). Despite their identical DNA, they have contradictory philosophies and grow up to become bitter political enemies. ?One plays the game with the ruling elite and allows himself to be used by them as tRead more
It seems to me that the hook of the story is the rivalry of twins (identical, right, not fraternal?). Despite their identical DNA, they have contradictory philosophies and grow up to become bitter political enemies. ?One plays the game with the ruling elite and allows himself to be used by them as their titular leader/sock puppet. ?The other becomes a revolutionary who wants to overthrow the ruling elite.
That has interesting dramatic potential. I am intrigued by the possibilities.
But I don’t see the purpose or need for the “alien-run” plot gimmick. ?Why does it takes aliens from another planet to set up the plot? ?What do they bring to the story? ?What is the threat to humanity besides subjugation and exploitation?
?IOW: since the genre is SciFi, ?what’s the SciFi gimmick that creates the threat? (Like in “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”).
fwiw
See lessAfter a vampire-supremacist wages a war to enslave humanity, his lieutenant, determined to stop him, partners with a celebrated vampire baroness to sabotage his faction through assassination, terrorism, and subterfuge.
As currently written, I am confused by the logline.When the vampire declares war....?"his lieutenant" enlists the baroness to sabotage "their faction"..."His lieutenant"? ?The vampire's lieutenant?? ?(If so, why is he enlisting the baroness?) And whose faction is "their faction"? The vampire's? ?TheRead more
As currently written, I am confused by the logline.
When the vampire declares war….?”his lieutenant” enlists the baroness to sabotage “their faction”…
“His lieutenant”? ?The vampire’s lieutenant?? ?(If so, why is he enlisting the baroness?)
And whose faction is “their faction”? The vampire’s? ?The baroness’s? ?The lieutenant’s?
Who is the prime mover, the 1st responder to the vampire’s attack?
The “A” story here is the ?vampires vs. humans, (led by the baroness), right?
The “B” story is the guy vs. the gal — whatever they’re arguing about, right?
Whatever, loglines are about the “A” story.?
Not the “B” story.
Not the “A” and “B” story.
Just the “A” story.
And only the “A” story.
fwiw
See lessWhen a manic-depressive sharpshooter?s mother is assassinated, he marauds a criminal empire for the elusive hit-man responsible.
As Dkpough1 said. ?Bipolar has replaced manic-depressive in psycho-lingo.?I have a concern about the wording, that the character is defined in an adjective phrase, rather than as part of subject of the sentence. ?So instead of?"When a bipolar sharpshooter's mother is assassinated, he..." ?I suggestRead more
As Dkpough1 said. ?Bipolar has replaced manic-depressive in psycho-lingo.
?I have a concern about the wording, that the character is defined in an adjective phrase, rather than as part of subject of the sentence. ?So instead of?”When a bipolar sharpshooter’s mother is assassinated, he…” ?I suggest “When his mother is assassinated, a bipolar sharpshooter….”
See less